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Oil Change

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Posted July 21, 2011 - 01:59 PM

Just Thought You Gearheads Might Enjoy this Comparison....
I know your Wives & Girlfriends will.

Oil Change instructionsfor Women:

1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use your debit card for $50.00.
2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filterwrench.
15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off..
16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Install new oil filtermaking sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25. Begin cussing fit.
26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left dent.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower truck from jack stands.
34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive truck.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38. truck gets impounded.
39. Call loving wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

  • lowrider said thank you

#2 Bolens 1000 OFFLINE  

Bolens 1000

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Posted July 21, 2011 - 02:51 PM


Thanks for posting that :D



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Posted July 21, 2011 - 03:02 PM

Thanks, now she has proof she's right!

Actually, I haven't changed the oil in her Minivan for a couple years. Only did it once & swore I'd never do it again.

Ignorant, miserable, son-of-a-gun to get to the filter and my "svelte" figure no longer fits under the van anyways.

#4 KennyP ONLINE  



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Posted July 21, 2011 - 04:38 PM

Thanks, but when have you watched me change oil?

#5 caseguy OFFLINE  


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Posted July 21, 2011 - 05:28 PM

:bigrofl: Thanks for that! Mine would be a little cheaper though...after the ten beers, I wouldn't be able to find the drivers seat LOL!

#6 ncb OFFLINE  

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Posted August 02, 2011 - 01:36 PM

I like that.....well said

#7 olcowhand ONLINE  


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Posted August 02, 2011 - 01:45 PM

I don't drink, so that saves me $4095.00. I use sawdust for the spills, so no kitty litter to buy. And I plead the 5th on how much I cuss when I can't find the right wrench, then when I do, I skin my knuckles. That reminds me....I've saved a ton on motor oil too.....I've went 10 grand since my last change! I'm so cheap! :bigrofl:
I used to just get my oil changed at Walmart for a measley $9.95, but they stopped doing the "just engine oil change" & went with a complete auto lube for $24.95.

#8 JDBrian OFFLINE  


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Posted August 04, 2011 - 04:25 AM

That's why I have my oil changed at the dealer! I'm with Daniel, I can save the $4095 as well. The rest of it sounds about right. I love working on tractors but don't like to work on the car. Maybe it's because we only have one vehicle and it's a long walk into town!