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#1 toppop52 ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 08:48 AM

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley-Davidson.
 
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
 
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
 
He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
 
"Ex wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
 
Tom replied: "I wasn't."


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#2 Austin OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 09:53 AM

LOL, that's a good one. Time to tell the misses. 


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#3 Dane in PA OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 10:51 AM

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley-Davidson.
 
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
 
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
 
He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
 
"Ex wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
 
Tom replied: "I wasn't."

Keeping this in the memory-bank...   :poke:


Edited by Dane in PA, September 07, 2016 - 10:52 AM.


#4 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 11:32 AM

Yep! I got my wedding ring in my left hand ,a Harley in my right. . . . .  Left hand. . .   Right hand. . .    Hmmmmh.



#5 crittersf1 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 11:47 AM

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:



#6 glgrumpy ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 01:46 PM

Sounds like the normal Woman around my place.  Best to learn to Tune-out what you don't wish to really here, and make NO responses, just give "That Look" when she is talking! 


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#7 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 02:54 PM

I like that!



#8 jpackard56 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 03:35 PM

I and a friend were at his place when his wife came home and couldn't get in the garage because we had "things" in the way...After a discussion similar to that listed above he turned to me and said" oh by the way Jim I'd like you to meet my FIRST WIFE" it was absolutely priceless. However I left very quickly because I recognized the likely hood of a large explosion being imminent at that point...


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#9 oldedeeres ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 03:46 PM

We were each other's first and only...... the above situations never came up, never would. Totally compatible, not identical, and happy with understanding the difference.


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#10 jpackard56 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 04:02 PM

We were each other's first and only...... the above situations never came up, never would. Totally compatible, not identical, and happy with understanding the difference.

I feel the same way, the only thing my wife ever did was leave a cupboard door open that I would walk into coming around the corner, she finally trained me to put my hand up as I came into the kitchen from utility room and been peaceful ever since  :rolling: I've told all my boys that when your shopping a wife they need to be your best friend first !

Seems to have worked with the first three, we have some really great daughter-in-laws. The fourth son is just finishing school so time will tell.


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#11 HDWildBill OFFLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 04:04 PM

On another forum there is a thread about how many motorcycles you have.  One guy posted that is wife was complaining about all his bikes, he simply explained that when he had one bike he have many girlfriends now that he had one girlfriend (his wife)...  She never said another word about all his bikes.  


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#12 toppop52 ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 04:08 PM

 

the only thing my wife ever did was leave a cupboard door open that I would walk into coming around the corner, she finally trained me to put my hand up as I came into the kitchen

True story, Frank Perdue of chicken fame and his wife Mitzi, were long time clients of mine, we had to pad every cabinet corner in their kitchen. Frank was constantly gashing his head on the corners and the doors. For some reason he couldn't avoid them, and he built the house in 1958. We also padded the wall behind his treadmill in their bedroom, he'd get to reading the paper and forget to walk, then wham! He also read the Wall Street Journal while driving, laid it on the steering wheel. All true!


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#13 chieffan ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 07:49 PM

Sounds like the normal Woman around my place.  Best to learn to Tune-out what you don't wish to really here, and make NO responses, just give "That Look" when she is talking! 

One big advantage of hearing aids.  " Darn cheap batteries went dead again". 


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#14 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 08:41 PM

One big advantage of hearing aids.  " Darn cheap batteries went dead again". 

 

My wife keeps threatening a visit to the doctor to check my hearing. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep putting it off and end up going in, when she will discover my hearing is fine. I've only gotten away with it for 10 years so far, I was hoping to get another 10 out of this scheme.


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#15 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 09:05 PM

You could pretend not to hear during the test as well
Magically push the button at the right time when it's a man's voice, but when it's a woman's voice Feign complete deafness.
This will simulate what has been happening in your house.
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