2500 replies to this topic

[WNYTractorTinkerer]

 

[WNYTractorTinkerer]

[adamjd200]

11870773_676479925786993_8007913480594716037_n.jpg

Took me a second to get that one!

[MH81]

[wvbuzzmaster]

plumber or electrician.jpg

I think you call Moses because he knows all about parted waters.

[shorty]

Took me a second to get that one!

Same here. Had to say it before I got it.

[TAHOE]

[Auburn David]

A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch hoo hoo, 3 lb. Left testicle, 3 lb. Right testicle, Turner Brown.”

The small guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him too, slapping his face and shaking him, “What’s wrong with you?”

In a very weak voice, the little guy says, “Excuse me, but what EXACTLY did you just say to me?”

The big guy says, “I saw the curious look on your face and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch hoo hoo, 3 lb left testicle, 3lb right testicle, and my name is Turner Brown.”

The small guy says, “Thank God! I thought you said Turn Around.”

[HANKG]

This elderly gentleman complains to his wife that he's not feeling well, she makes an appointment with the doctor and comes along because he's also hearing impaired the doc begins his exam and is asking the old man question's his response is always what did he say, the doctor tells the wife I'm going to order a complete physical urine sample, stool sample, and semen sample the old man say's what ? and the wife replies he needs to look in your under ware.

[LilysDad]

Coaches Instructions


At one point during a game, the coach called one of his
9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ***' is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.

 

 

[MH81]

My daughter is taking precision machining at school
She and her teacher pick on each other. He tells her blonde jokes.


Did you hear about the power outage at the mall?
Several blondes were stuck on the escalators for over 4 hours.


Knock, Knock?
Who's there?
A Blonde burglar.


Q:What's this?
(Walk in a shuffling motion, moving your feet only an inch each at a time)
A: A blonde shoplifting shoes

[LilysDad]

. . . and what does she do to her teacher?

[Auburn David]

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

[WNYTractorTinkerer]

[WNYTractorTinkerer]