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Official Joke Thread


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#1351 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted October 06, 2015 - 06:15 PM

Dog pack kills gator

 

 

Humor, not sure, but it is ironic.
Vicious Dog Pack kills Gator In Florida
Dogs savage everglade alligator
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and
even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally
considered the "apex predator" in its natural eco-system, can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the
tight knit social structure and "survival of the fittest pack mentality" bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural
selection.
See the attached remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it
from breathing, while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast
from rolling.
Not for the squeamish!

We strongly recommend that you preview this privately before
determining if a younger audience should view the below contents ...

dogsattackgator.jpg

 

 

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#1352 TAHOE OFFLINE  

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Posted October 07, 2015 - 08:20 AM

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#1353 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted October 07, 2015 - 12:34 PM

It sure wouldn't be "Lucky"!
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#1354 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 09, 2015 - 09:02 AM

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#1355 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 12, 2015 - 12:37 AM

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#1356 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 12, 2015 - 12:57 AM

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#1357 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 12, 2015 - 04:15 PM

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#1358 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted October 12, 2015 - 05:51 PM

That 3rd one looks more like a Bacon sprout to me!



#1359 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 12, 2015 - 07:02 PM

How do you put a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?



Shine a flashlite in her ear.
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#1360 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted October 13, 2015 - 11:12 AM

A tough old cowboy from Texas counselled his grand daughter that if she wanted to live a long and healthy life she should sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. So she did this faithfully and lived to the fine old age of 103. When she died she left eight children, sixteen grand children, twenty four great grandchildren, and a fifty foot deep hole where the crematorium used to be.


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#1361 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 16, 2015 - 02:13 PM

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#1362 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted October 17, 2015 - 04:51 PM

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sur...e that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that…
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

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#1363 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 17, 2015 - 06:00 PM

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So I finally landed a job as a Wal-Mart greeter, which is a good find for many retirees, unfortunately I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual I said pleasantly, “Good morning and welcometo Wal-Mart.” “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one is 9, and the other one is 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”
So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, madam. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.
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#1364 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted October 18, 2015 - 07:24 PM

Are you having trouble with a monkey butt? Try this.   http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/


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#1365 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted October 18, 2015 - 09:31 PM

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