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Official Joke Thread


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#1336 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 27, 2015 - 05:35 PM

Scot, how come that stuff at the bottom doesn't show on my screen? Does it show on the jokes I down load from other sites?



#1337 UncleWillie ONLINE  

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Posted September 27, 2015 - 06:05 PM

A robber ran into the bank waving a gun and his mask fell off and the teller saw him and the robber shot him. Another man looked straight at him and the robber shot him. The robber yelled, “Anybody else see my face???” And Ole looked down at the floor and said, “My wife Lena got a pretty good look at you.”


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#1338 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted September 27, 2015 - 06:07 PM

Scot, how come that stuff at the bottom doesn't show on my screen? Does it show on the jokes I down load from other sites?

 

I don't know, it's that magical computer stuff.



#1339 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 27, 2015 - 07:07 PM

Alright, I'll ask Pen & Teller.



#1340 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted September 28, 2015 - 07:03 AM

Where do you think MTF gets their stuff? Are you going to start wanting to know where I get all the other stuff? How about asking Tink where he gets all his photos? Hmmm? Your just a bad, bad man DB! :poke:


MTF and some other sites are chock full of little hidden ad things like that
I'm not passing judgement... it's just how the company that owns it justifies MTF's existence.

When you copy and paste, they will be carried along.

If you type it in here, then copy and paste, I believe your text will be sanitized so long as you're logged in.
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#1341 oldedeeres ONLINE  

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Posted September 28, 2015 - 12:23 PM

Never ask Google for medical advice...... I have gone from mild headache to clinically dead in three clicks!


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#1342 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 02, 2015 - 08:46 PM

Boys will be boys....
 
 
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys ( honest and not kidding ):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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#1343 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 02, 2015 - 09:21 PM

Where do you think MTF gets their stuff? Are you going to start wanting to know where I get all the other stuff? How about asking Tink where he gets all his photos? Hmmm? Your just a bad, bad man DB! :poke:

I started the C&C there after Wing took a hiatus and stopped posting his daily pictures..  As I wandered over here I also continue to post them there..  OK?  I love the replies we get here though!  Yes, I still frequent the place as many great folks are still there..  It was too bad the BS that went on over there a few years back but that is water under the proverbial bridge now..  Lots of my humor is over there as well since I was there for the last 6 years..  Lighten up on the bashing as they are also tractor enthusiasts..  There's just some rotten apples in the barrel is all..  Keep 'em coming Rich!!   :ok:


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#1344 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 02, 2015 - 09:24 PM

Boys will be boys....
 
 
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys ( honest and not kidding ):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.



20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

A repeat as well but still funny as hell!!


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#1345 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted October 02, 2015 - 09:50 PM

Now I remember why I have a bottle of brake fluid that doesn't work for any of my vehicles.


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#1346 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 02, 2015 - 11:48 PM

12036415_869259579858168_7746701071726949519_n.jpg


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#1347 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 03, 2015 - 01:27 AM

Did someone say 'offensive humor'??

 

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12002159_810791349029457_2192089431689234473_n.jpg


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#1348 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 03, 2015 - 07:50 AM

Trash Problem....Solved!

 

 

I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association down in Washington State. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there is being built just next to them, six new homes.....big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald Bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So..................guess what some people in his community did.
They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !
They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means.
Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras; 46 out of 68, of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning and haven't come back yet! It has been ten days.
Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than ****, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace.............."Have at it"!

SO FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT YANKEE INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

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#1349 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 05, 2015 - 09:55 PM

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12063822_760006527478762_3526265533240252584_n.jpg


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#1350 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 06, 2015 - 06:47 AM

Oh, Tink! Your always so literal.






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