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Official Joke Thread


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#121 HowardsMF155 OFFLINE  

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Posted February 18, 2012 - 10:15 PM

"Mahatma Gandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time. This produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet, he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a Super-Calloused, Fragile. Mystic, hexed by Halitosis."

Wife and I loved this one! :bigrofl:
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#122 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 19, 2012 - 06:08 AM

"Mahatma Gandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time. This produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet, he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a Super-Calloused, Fragile. Mystic, hexed by Halitosis."

Wife and I loved this one! :bigrofl:





:bigrofl: :bigrofl: :bigrofl:

#123 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 19, 2012 - 11:27 AM

They walk among us


IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back."
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change..Do not confuse the clerks at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2

Horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 Horsepower."
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, "NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two. » We haven't used Sears repair since..Happened in Ottawa .

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too Many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."..Story from
Collingwood, Ontario.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce'. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce..From
Winnipeg, Manitoba

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, and «Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I Know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."..Happened in
Toronto, Ontario.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"..She is a government employee in
Montreal, P.Q

IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."..This was at the Ford dealership in
Guelph, Ontario

STAY ALERT! They walk among us....
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#124 GTTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted February 19, 2012 - 02:19 PM

Sad thing is that some of these folks probably got great grades in school and will walk around believing that they have a better education than our grandparents who quit school at 10 or 12 years old to help their families get through the first depression.

Real issue is that you can't teach common sense which now days is not really all that common.

I am glad to see that there are so many young Members on this site proving that at least some families are still teaching values.

OK, I am done you can take the soap box now.

Edited by GTTinkerer, February 19, 2012 - 02:20 PM.

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#125 broken2 OFFLINE  

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Posted February 19, 2012 - 04:05 PM

This is a joke that I made up a few years back:

A blonde is jogging on the beach when she comes to a pier. She decides to jog out onto the pier and at the end of it she steps on a fish discarded by a fisherman. She slips, goes over the railing and drowns. She goes to heaven where she see's an old friend that died when they were in highschool. Her friend is suprised to see her and says "wow we both died so young, what happend to you". When the blonde explains how she fell in the ocean and drowned her friend replies "that's so wierd, you were such a good swimmer, you were even on the swim team in school". The blonde repiles "yes, but there was a sign on the pier that said no swimming".
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#126 Michiganmobileman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 19, 2012 - 07:10 PM

Sad thing is that some of these folks probably got great grades in school and will walk around believing that they have a better education than our grandparents who quit school at 10 or 12 years old to help their families get through the first depression.

Real issue is that you can't teach common sense which now days is not really all that common.

I am glad to see that there are so many young Members on this site proving that at least some families are still teaching values.

OK, I am done you can take the soap box now.


Good points Bill.

#127 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 20, 2012 - 05:34 PM

Maynard those are precious. Reminds me of this old one. The supervisor is watching carpenters nailing siding to a new home. One was particularly slow. He'd reach into his nail poach for a nail, examine it, then sometimes throw one away and sometimes not. After a few minutes the super asked why he was throwing some away? "Some have the heads on the wrong end" he replied. FOOL, the super says-"use those on the other side of the house".
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#128 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 21, 2012 - 07:11 AM

Maynard those are precious. Reminds me of this old one.................. "Some have the heads on the wrong end" he replied. FOOL, the super says-"use those on the other side of the house".



Good one. :bigrofl: :bigrofl:

Edited by mjodrey, February 21, 2012 - 07:11 AM.


#129 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 21, 2012 - 06:58 PM

I recently made a trip to Gadsden, AL. Alongside the interstate, was a plumbing supply store. His slogan, painted in hugh letters read:
" We repair what your husband fixed"
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#130 Michiganmobileman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 21, 2012 - 08:23 PM

I recently made a trip to Gadsden, AL. Alongside the interstate, was a plumbing supply store. His slogan, painted in hugh letters read:
" We repair what your husband fixed"


Gotta love the do it your self shows. :thumbs: Makes every homeowner think they are masters of all trades, some get away with it, others pay people like us to fix it after they boobooo-ed :smilewink:

#131 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 21, 2012 - 08:56 PM

Gotta love the do it your self shows. :thumbs: Makes every homeowner think they are masters of all trades, some get away with it, others pay people like us to fix it after they boobooo-ed :smilewink:

Sad thing is that most times you have double the work-then when you have to charge for that too, they scream bloody murder and we look like the bad guy.
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#132 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 22, 2012 - 11:24 AM

I recently made a trip to Gadsden, AL. Alongside the interstate, was a plumbing supply store. His slogan, painted in hugh letters read:
" We repair what your husband fixed"



That's a good one. :smilewink:

#133 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 24, 2012 - 07:50 AM

Not exactly a joke,but I thought it was funny.

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#134 tinner OFFLINE  

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Posted February 24, 2012 - 07:56 AM

Thanks Maynard, I needed a good laugh this morning.

#135 Delmar OFFLINE  

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Posted February 24, 2012 - 08:32 AM

True story

I was at the grocery store last night. I picked up a 1/2 gallon of milk. Total, $2.41 I handed the cashier a ten dollar bill, then dug in my pocket, got out some change, and handed him a quarter, 2 dimes, and a penny. 46 cents. The cashier had that deer in the headlights look in his eyes. I told him I had handed him a ten and 46 cents, and he owed me $8 dollars and a nickel in change. Still lost, he said he did not know what to do and called over his manager. His manager then had the deer in the headlights look too!. I again said you just owe me 8 dollars and 5 cents. I said you can give me a 5 dollar bill, 3 ones, and a nickel. Oh crap, that threw them both into another loop. They then showed me that the cashier had punched in the ten, and they only knew to give me the change for the ten dollar bill. Doesn't anyone know how to add or subtract anymore without a machine? Long story short the manager counted me out 8 one dollar bills (yes, there were several 5 dollar bills in the till) and 1 nickel.

Edited by JBBR, February 24, 2012 - 08:34 AM.

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