If Bruce Jenner goes missing......
Will they put his picture on a Half & Half carton?
Jump to content
Posted August 06, 2015 - 09:53 PM
That can't end well.
Posted August 10, 2015 - 01:55 PM
Did you hear about the Mexican Magician? He was doing a magic show. He told the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He stands up, waves his magic wand, UNO, DOS, **POOF** he disappears.
The audience was amazed he had disappeared without a TRES!
Posted August 10, 2015 - 04:55 PM
Posted August 10, 2015 - 04:56 PM
Posted August 12, 2015 - 02:11 PM
Posted August 16, 2015 - 05:45 PM
Posted August 19, 2015 - 07:01 AM
Posted August 19, 2015 - 12:03 PM
A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. It was a stalemate until the husband realised he had to get up early the next morning to catch a plane for a business meeting. Not willing to talk to his wife and ask her to wake him up early, (and lose the argument), he left her a note, "please wake me up at 5:00a.m." where he knew she would find it. The next morning he woke up and looked at the clock--- it was 9:a.m.! Furious, he was ready to shout at his wife when he noticed a note pinned to her pillow------ "Hey, wake up, it's 5:a.m."
Men are not equipped to handle situations like this.
Posted August 20, 2015 - 06:39 AM
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.' A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid rant was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat azz downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car when leaving the house!
Posted August 22, 2015 - 06:52 AM
Posted August 22, 2015 - 01:42 PM
Posted August 23, 2015 - 06:37 AM
An Old Deer Hunter Goes To The Bar -
An old deer hunter dressed head to foot in camouflage went into a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the deer hunter and asked, “Are you a real deer hunter?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life in the woods, tracking deer, stalking deer and shooting deer, so yes, I guess I am a real deer hunter.” After a short while he asked her what she was.
She replied, “I’ve never been in the woods. I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. I get up in the morning thinking of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV everything makes me think about women.”
A short while later she left, the deer hunter ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, “Are you a real deer hunter?”
The deer hunter replied, “Well I always thought I was a deer hunter, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”