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Official Joke Thread


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#1216 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted July 03, 2015 - 06:17 PM

11709550_911368348949043_4804501974499455680_n.jpg


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#1217 bh115577 OFFLINE  

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Posted July 07, 2015 - 06:48 AM

When a couple moved into their new home, the first one they had ever owned rather than rented, two of the man’s friend gave him a bottle of champagne. In the hustle and bustle of getting settled into their new home, the gift was tucked away and temporarily forgotten. Three months later, a new baby, their third child, was christened. Champagne flowed in celebration until, running short, they remembered the housewarming gift of champagne they had tucked away. In front of their guests, the lady opened the card which was attached to the bottle and read, “Harry, take good care of this one. It’s yours!”


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#1218 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted July 07, 2015 - 10:27 AM

Shotgun wedding---- a case of wife or death.


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#1219 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted July 08, 2015 - 05:53 AM


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#1220 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted July 08, 2015 - 06:11 AM


Is that A polar bear eating vanilla ice cream in a snowstorm?
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#1221 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted July 08, 2015 - 06:20 AM

I think it's a white-out!



#1222 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted July 08, 2015 - 06:22 AM

Hilary's campaign platform .
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#1223 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted July 08, 2015 - 06:33 AM

Bill's support for Cosby  .


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#1224 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted July 09, 2015 - 05:45 PM

Garrison Keillor says some jokes can write themselves . My wife is being treated to one of his shows at Lake Chatauqua NY on the 31 st . Her birthday present .
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#1225 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted July 11, 2015 - 12:56 AM

A nice looking, calm and respectable lady walked into the drugstore, looked the pharmacist right in the eye and said," I'd like to buy some cyanide". The pharmacist wanted to know what she wanted the cyanide for. "I need it to poison my husband", she replied. The pharmacists' eyes popped out, he gasped and said "You can't do that, it's illegal, they'd have my liscense, we'd both go to jail, there's no way I'll sell it to you !" The lady calmly reached into her purse, pulled out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to him. He looked at it for a moment and said, "Oh, you didn't tell me you have a prescription!"


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#1226 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted July 11, 2015 - 06:45 AM

11228100_10153342242008464_3898943728249983518_n.jpg

 

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Edited by WNYTractorTinkerer, July 11, 2015 - 06:45 AM.

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#1227 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted July 11, 2015 - 07:57 AM

The wookie vs wookie competition ?



#1228 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted July 12, 2015 - 04:06 PM

A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same. And that being an attorney, he was going to sue the truck driver, his employer and even his drivers education teacher!

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!" he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH, MY GOODNESS!" screamed the lawyer. . ."My Rolex!"
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#1229 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted July 13, 2015 - 05:50 AM

MADDD??? :bigrofl:

Edited by MH81, July 13, 2015 - 06:29 AM.


#1230 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted July 13, 2015 - 03:57 PM

A Berretta .25 Jetfire testimonial:



Here is the story in her own words:



"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Village with

my ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we

were surprised by a huge alligator which suddenly emerged from the

murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.



The alligator must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely

aggressive! If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I

would not be here today! Just one quick shot to my husband's kneecap was all it took.
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