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Official Joke Thread


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#106 Dfondale OFFLINE  

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Posted February 04, 2012 - 09:35 AM

Cletus & Billy Bob

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap
in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front
of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides
off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then
hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his
overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his
stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from
his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What in the world ya
doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom
department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to
a tractor."


(Don't make me come splain this to you! Read the last line again, slowly.)

Sent from my iPad using Forum Runner
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#107 IamSherwood OFFLINE  

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Posted February 05, 2012 - 07:41 AM

Yep. http://gardentractor...IR#/bigrofl.gifdn.jpg
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#108 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 09:04 AM

Blonde installing a cat door


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#109 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 09:40 AM

:bigrofl: Cool, Maynard!

#110 IamSherwood OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 09:49 AM

Way too funny Maynard. :bigrofl: :bigrofl: :bigrofl: :bigrofl:

#111 olcowhand ONLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 10:00 AM

That was hilarious Maynard! :bigrofl:

#112 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 10:18 AM

Here's another one.

Finally, the reason for blonde jokes



#113 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 10:26 AM

Ok ,last one.
Dumbest blonde ever



#114 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 04:18 PM

Good ones Maynard :dancingbanana: :dancingbanana:

#115 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 04:48 PM

The Blonde and the Lord

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
"IS THAT YOU LORD?"

The voice replied,

"No, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

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#116 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 06:53 PM

:bigrofl: :bigrofl:

#117 tractorgarden ONLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 09:49 PM

yes ,a good one!

#118 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 13, 2012 - 10:49 PM

I started reading that to my wife, I got about 1/2 way thru & she said "Ice Skating Rink"

She's Blonde BTW... Might've been a story about her, but she's not telling.

#119 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 18, 2012 - 04:36 PM

ANYONE ALLERGIC TO BAD PUNS, READ NO FURTHER!
Got this in an email. :rofl2:

-Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

-A jumper cable walks into a bar. The Bartender says, “I'll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

-Two peanuts walk into a bar. One of them was a salted.

-A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

-A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He orders a beer & one for the road.

-Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”

-“Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome”
“Is it common?”
“Well, It''s not Unusual...”

-An invisible man marries an invisible woman, the kids weren't much to look at either.

-Definition: Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this Bull before.

-I went to find some camo pants the other day, but I couldn't find any.

-I went to a seafood disco the other week... and pulled a mussel.

-What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

-Two fish are swimming when one runs into a wall. He turns to his friend and exclaims “Dam!”

-Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in their craft. Not surprisingly, it sank.
Proving once again, you can't have your kayak & heat it too.

-A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel & proceeded to congregate in the lobby to discuss their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager asked them to disperse. When the group asked why, the manager replied, “Because, I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

-A woman has identical twins, and has to give them up for adoption. One is adopted by an Egyptian family & is named Ahmal, the other is adopted by a Spanish family & named Juan.
Years later, Juan tracks down his birth mother & sends her a picture. She says to her husband that she would love to have a picture of Ahmal also.
The husband asks “Why, they're identical... if you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal”

-Mahatma Gandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time. This produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet, he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a Super-Calloused, Fragile, Mystic, hexed by Halitosis.

-A dwarf who was a mystic escaped from jail. The APB went out for a small medium at large...
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#120 Michiganmobileman OFFLINE  

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Posted February 18, 2012 - 09:46 PM

Very, very punny :laughingteeth:
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