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Official Joke Thread


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#1051 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 24, 2015 - 08:16 PM

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#1052 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted February 25, 2015 - 06:35 AM

Good one, Alan!



#1053 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted February 25, 2015 - 08:21 AM

Good one, Alan!

Sounds like the voice of experience!!


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#1054 New.Canadian.DB.Owner ONLINE  

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Posted February 25, 2015 - 12:44 PM

There once was an older single guy who had never been away from home overnight.  One day, his doctor tells him he needs to go to the big city for some testing.  He makes arrangements for his neighbour to look after his mother & his cat and off he goes to the big city.  The next day he calls his neighbour.

 

Guy: How is my cat doing?

 

Neighbour: Your cat is dead.  He ran out in front of a car & didn't make it.

 

Guy: You can't break bad news like that!  You should do it slowly.  Start by telling me the cat is in the tree & you can't get him down.  The next day you tell me the fire department came by but had no better luck.  On the third day you tell me a hawk swooped down & carried the cat away. 

 

Neighbour: I can do that.

 

Guy: How is my mom?

 

Neighbour: She is up in a tree.


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#1055 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 07:38 AM

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
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#1056 Sawdust OFFLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 07:52 AM

I can relate to this one. Last summer we were driving around. I was driving, my wife was the passenger driver, my 21 year old son with all the directions was in the back seat driving. I wasn't too sure what direction to take but my son insisted he knew the way. Reluctantly I went his way only to find out I was right from the beginning. All this time my wife is giving instructions of her own. My wife likes to warn the driver what lane you should be in because she gets in her lane five miles before she needs to turn. I had enough of this. I pulled off the road into an empty parking lot, got out, got into the back seat & told them to drive. Since then all I have to do is threaten to get out again & it gets silent.
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#1057 TAHOE ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 08:47 AM

I can relate to this one. Last summer we were driving around. I was driving, my wife was the passenger driver, my 21 year old son with all the directions was in the back seat driving. I wasn't too sure what direction to take but my son insisted he knew the way. Reluctantly I went his way only to find out I was right from the beginning. All this time my wife is giving instructions of her own. My wife likes to warn the driver what lane you should be in because she gets in her lane five miles before she needs to turn. I had enough of this. I pulled off the road into an empty parking lot, got out, got into the back seat & told them to drive. Since then all I have to do is threaten to get out again & it gets silent.

Yeap, threatened to do that before too!


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#1058 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 08:56 AM

Whenever I threaten my wife, she reminds me of the time 6 years ago, when I almost drove through a red light and she saved our lives by stopping me.


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#1059 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 12:07 PM

I can relate to this one. Last summer we were driving around. I was driving, my wife was the passenger driver, my 21 year old son with all the directions was in the back seat driving. I wasn't too sure what direction to take but my son insisted he knew the way. Reluctantly I went his way only to find out I was right from the beginning. All this time my wife is giving instructions of her own. My wife likes to warn the driver what lane you should be in because she gets in her lane five miles before she needs to turn. I had enough of this. I pulled off the road into an empty parking lot, got out, got into the back seat & told them to drive. Since then all I have to do is threaten to get out again & it gets silent.


You are nice and found a parking lot... I did it on the interstate.
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#1060 tater195 ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 12:10 PM

That works with the "ARE WE THERE YET" stuff too.

I tell'em "we sure are, get out"


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#1061 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 26, 2015 - 12:10 PM

Whenever I threaten my wife, she reminds me of the time 6 years ago, when I almost drove through a red light and she saved our lives by stopping me.

After 6 years of reminders, I would tell her I'm starting to regret it... :poke:
OR
One more year and the statute of limitations is over. :thumbs:
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#1062 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted February 27, 2015 - 12:07 PM

Just ain't no trash in my TRAILER!

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#1063 CRFarnsworth OFFLINE  

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Posted February 27, 2015 - 08:06 PM

SPRING FEVER

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#1064 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted February 27, 2015 - 09:18 PM

SPRING FEVER

I've had it myself
post-878-132893749847.jpg
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#1065 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted February 28, 2015 - 07:07 AM

I've had it myself
post-878-132893749847.jpg

Looks like that plow didn't want to go in the asphalt to well! Or were you just sharpening it?


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