HECK YEAH BABY!!!
NOT COOL, I work in a grocery store!
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Posted November 01, 2014 - 06:58 PM
HECK YEAH BABY!!!
NOT COOL, I work in a grocery store!
Posted November 03, 2014 - 12:04 AM
A hangover is just the wrath of grapes!
Posted November 03, 2014 - 09:32 AM
Posted November 03, 2014 - 06:15 PM
Posted November 03, 2014 - 06:20 PM
Posted November 03, 2014 - 08:38 PM
Posted November 06, 2014 - 08:13 AM
A Catholic Priest, a Protestant Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and recited a prayer. He became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy, Protestant Pastor, spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle any Holy water! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from Anglican Prayer book. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quickly BAPTISED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praying!'
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed.
He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
Posted November 06, 2014 - 05:59 PM
Yesterday I wore my Vietnam Veterans cap when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer; but since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the "Walmartians" is always good for some comic release. Besides I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent this establishment. But, I digress -- enough of my psychological fixations. While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?" "No," I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that cap?"
"Because I couldn't find the one from the War of 1812." I thought this was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh?" the "Walmartian" queried, "When was that?" God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936," I answered, as straight-faced as possible.
He pondered my response for a moment and then asked, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Operation. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way too much fun!
"Dude! Really?" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy, and in a low voice said. "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude," he was really getting excited about what he was hearing, "that is seriously awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?" "Not really. The other guys were all wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still 'top secret' and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah?" he gave me that, 'don't threaten me look.' "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them, would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack, she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw the Dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction.
Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the 'I see you' gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped into the car and sped out of the parking lot in a flurry of dust.
What a great time I had! Tomorrow I'm going back with my Homeland Security cap. Then the next day I will go to the DMV so I can wear a Border Patrol hat, and see how long it takes to empty out the place. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of cap!
Posted November 06, 2014 - 07:29 PM
Posted November 06, 2014 - 09:29 PM
I don't no why but that one just gave me the hebee jeebies.
Posted November 06, 2014 - 10:59 PM
Posted November 10, 2014 - 10:42 PM