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#886 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted May 10, 2014 - 02:40 PM

Government pipe specifications
 
 
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic, centered around the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length -- do not use holes of different length than the pipe.
3. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) -- otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
4. The pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
5. All pipe is to be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site. (NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.)
6. All pipe over 500ft (150m) in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.
7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe.
8. All pipe over 6ft (1.83m) in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor won't mistake it for a small pipe.
9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes from bolts that are quite separate from the big holes in the middle.
10. When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or right-hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.
12. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do not mix the threads. Otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on to one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
13. All pipes shorter than 1/8in (3mm) are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
14. Joints in pipes for water must be watertight. Those pipes for compressed air, however, need only be airtight.
15. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
16. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include; Conduit, Tube, Tunnel, and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.

And then new supervisor Ms Bobbitt stepped in and cut his career short .

#887 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted May 10, 2014 - 06:20 PM

I thought I already posted this but I can't find it.

 

How many of these have you done? I'm really good at the wheel barrow flip.

 

http://www.youtube.c...RrsepkQKA?rel=0

 

 

 


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#888 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted May 14, 2014 - 06:40 AM

 

... If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it .....


This says it all.......
 
Pythagoras' Theorem: ...............................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: ................................................. 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: ...................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: ...........................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: ......................................................286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : .................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ..............................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...................26,911 words
 
 
 

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#889 Guest_rdehli_*

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Posted May 14, 2014 - 06:50 AM

 

... If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it .....





This says it all.......

 

Pythagoras' Theorem: ...............................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: ................................................. 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: ...................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: ...........................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: ......................................................286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : .................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ..............................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...................26,911 words


 

 

 



that's a good one...

#890 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted May 14, 2014 - 07:37 AM

 
... If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it .....




This says it all.......

 

Pythagoras' Theorem: ...............................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: ................................................. 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: ...................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: ...........................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: ......................................................286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : .................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ..............................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...................26,911 words


 

 

 

HR 3962.............. 381,517 words plus approx 11 million more in addendums and decrees.
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#891 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted May 16, 2014 - 11:05 PM

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous, "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


(but wait, there's more...) The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?" "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
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#892 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted May 17, 2014 - 03:05 AM

REDNECK GENIUS!


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#893 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted May 17, 2014 - 05:07 PM

A new pastor moved into a town,
 and he went out one day to visit 
his parishioners. All went well until 
he came upon this one house. 
It was obvious that someone was
 home, but no one came to the door 
even after he had knocked several times.
 Finally he took out his card, wrote on 
the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it
 on the back of the door. 

Revelation 3:20:
 "Behold, I stand at the door, 
and knock: if any man hear my voice, 
and open the door, I will come in to him, 
and will dine with him, and he with me."

Later in the week, as he was counting 
the offering, he found his card 
in the collection plate

 Below his message was the notation

 "Genesis 3:10."

Genesis 3:10: "And he said, I heard thy voice 
in the garden, and I was afraid, because
 I was naked: so I hid myself."
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#894 T Guiles OFFLINE  

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Posted May 19, 2014 - 01:56 AM

A retired Chief Master Sgt is at a party and this cute little thing walk's up to him and say's " Chief you look kind of up tight, when was the last time you've had sex?" The Chief replies " Well miss I haven't had sex since 1955" The young lady is taken back by this, so she drag's him off to a secluded room and has her way with him numerous time's. After their done the young lady is trying to make herself look presentable and tell's him " You know, you haven't lost a thing since 1955" The Chief replies " I'd hope not it's only 2130 now"


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#895 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted May 19, 2014 - 02:07 AM

Bwaahahahahaha Thats funny..


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#896 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted May 19, 2014 - 02:09 AM

 

When mechanics go to the nursing home

imagesold-car-guys_small.jpg

 

 

 

 

If thats a nursing home room i am going to promise to my father tomorrow i will never make him go to one.


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#897 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  

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Posted May 24, 2014 - 10:01 AM

A retired Chief Master Sgt is at a party and this cute little thing walk's up to him and say's " Chief you look kind of up tight, when was the last time you've had sex?" The Chief replies " Well miss I haven't had sex since 1955" The young lady is taken back by this, so she drag's him off to a secluded room and has her way with him numerous time's. After their done the young lady is trying to make herself look presentable and tell's him " You know, you haven't lost a thing since 1955" The Chief replies " I'd hope not it's only 2130 now"


that is a good one......
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#898 TAHOE OFFLINE  

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Posted June 03, 2014 - 09:12 AM

Five Horses

 

 

A man met an old American Indian  and asked what was his wife's name .

 

He replied, "Her name is Five Horses"

 

The man replied "That is an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?"

 

The Indian answered, "It an old Indian name, it mean......

 

 

 

Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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#899 bh115577 ONLINE  

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Posted June 03, 2014 - 12:25 PM

Good ol' Chuck Norris......ENJOY!


Chuck Norris isn't even that great. If he was so great, he would come up behind me right now and slam my head on the keybswuhowdbfoecn ejefj cjehcefj.

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted

chuck noris once threw a grenade and killed 30 people..................... then it exploded

They once named a bridge after Chuck Norris. They had to tear it down, though because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together

chuck norris doesnt lick the back of a stamp if he wants to send out the mail, he just looks at the stamps and they wet themselves
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#900 T Guiles ONLINE  

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Posted June 11, 2014 - 12:12 AM

A guy working at an Office is very stressed and it starts to show in his work, His boss comes up to him and tells him he needs a vacation. He responds " I really can't take a vacation, I'm tight on money and their's no time to make arrangements" so his boss leaves and returns 5 minutes later " Your going up to my Ranch for the week, it's very relaxing with it's view of the Rockies and its clean running streams,No phones, No T.V. just pure relaxation. The worker is amazed and agrees. The boss say's " their is only one thing you have to do,Their is an old Indian from one of the local tribes who sits at the end of my driveway, stop and ask him anything, he has the most amazing memory I have ever seen"                                                                                                                                     Off he goes to vacation at the ranch, when he gets there he sees this hunched over, older than dirt, man sitting there wrapped in a blanket. Remembering what his boss said and not wanting the stress the old man asks him" Howdy friend, what'd ya have for breakfast"  The Indian grunts and with a cold stare responds "Egg's"                                                                                                           The worker has the best vacation and upon his return becomes the most productive, valued worker in the office for 10 years. After that the stress return's, and so does his boss, " I really think you need to back up to the ranch, You leave on Monday for the week, don't for get to ask the Indian a question"                                                                                                      Once again he arrives at the drive and their sits this OLD Indian, Feeling more relaxed he rolls down his window and says "How"         The Indian shaking his head responds " Scrambled"       


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