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Official Joke Thread


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#706 NJKen OFFLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 04:08 PM

Big Bird had a rough night. Saw him being hauled home on Interstate 95 north in Maryland.

Poor bird, bet he has a headache. ImageUploadedByTapatalk1378242501.752724.jpg
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#707 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 04:11 PM

Congratulations! Not everyone can say they saw a tv star.


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#708 NJKen OFFLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 04:27 PM

Congratulations! Not everyone can say they saw a tv star.


Thanks. I'm just glad he didn't puke when I was behind him. I just washed my van.
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#709 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 05:45 PM

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to Little Johnny. (When anyone was late for school, it usually was Little Johnny.)
"It ain't my fault." Miss Crabtree, "You can blame this on my Dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked Little Johnny what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, Little Johnny and Trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!"

"Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!" He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the henhouse he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'.

"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!"

#710 superspeedex OFFLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 06:31 PM

A out of towner gets a flat along this street and sure enogh he dont have any tools so he goes to the first house knocks on the door

nothing so he walks over to the widow and inside there and older couple the running around the house acting like shes push mowing the husband got one hand in the fish tank and the other flipping his wife off..  so he wonders anyways he walks over to the neighbors house asks him "i tryed getting a hold of your neighbors and he told him the story "   the neighbors like

they both cant hear shes saying go mow the lawn and the others says f you i m going fishing


Edited by superspeedex, September 03, 2013 - 06:31 PM.


#711 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 06:40 PM

Live long enough to. . .

 

http://binscorner.co...rn-to-your.html


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#712 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2013 - 06:43 PM

Live long enough to. . .

 

http://binscorner.co...rn-to-your.html

That's my goal!



#713 Burton OFFLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2013 - 02:15 AM

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shouldr 2 ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said:
"Don’t ever do that again, you scared me”

Passenger apologized and said:
“I didn’t realize a litle touch would scare you so much”

Driver replied:
"Sorry, it’s not your fault
its my 1st day as a Cab driver, I’ve been driving a van carying dead bodies for last 25 years... :D
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#714 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2013 - 01:01 PM

Been busy conducting a poll...

 

1174647_522237227862159_2104810593_n.jpg


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#715 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2013 - 04:31 PM

You sure know how to stay busy!



#716 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 08, 2013 - 10:12 AM

Maw is outside hangin up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse."
Paw says, "All right, Maw." Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw says, "Yes, there is. Put your head down in the hole." Paw says "I ain't puttin my head in that there hole!"

Maw says, "Well you're gonna have to if'n you're gonna fix the problem!"

Paw puts his head down in the hole (just a little bit mind ya) and he hollers, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw hollers, "Now pull your head out of the hole."

Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck in the cracks in the seat!"

Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"
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#717 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted September 08, 2013 - 04:16 PM

Here's a funny one:  HERE



#718 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted September 13, 2013 - 12:08 PM

Here's another one!  



#719 OldBuzzard OFFLINE  

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Posted September 14, 2013 - 07:15 AM

So this fella from the city buys a 5 acre parcel and decides he's gonna make a small fortune raising chickens. He goes to the local feed and farm store and starts asking one of the workers for advice. A few days later he buys 100 chicks.

Abot 2 days later, he's back in there. He calls the worker over and claims they sold him defective chicks. "Every single one of those chicks died!" Well, the store worker is a bit puzzled. He gets the manager. The manager doesn't want to lose a customer, so he gives the city fella 100 replacement chicks and an apology.

2 days later he's back in there hoppin' mad. "Why these chicks are no better than the first 100. Every single one of them dead!" The manger asks him a few questions. "what are you feeding them?" "That starter mix your employee suggested." "Are you watering them?" "I have 5 of them fancy waterers your employee suggested I buy." "How 'bout heat lamps? Are you keeping them warm?" "Yes! I'm keeping them right at the temperature your employee suggested!"

Puzzled, the manager calls the worker over to join the conversation. The manager asks him to recount all the advice he'd given the city farmer. The employee rattles off every little detail of successful chicken farming-even a few tips the manager didn't know about, but that made sense to him. The manager turns to the customer and says, "Well, he gave you solid advice. I'm not sure why the chicks keep dying so quickly. But we'll give you another 100."

The city fella thanks the manager. As they are loading the 100 chicks into his Prius, the city boy turns to the worker and says, "OK, I got one more question. I've followed all of your advice and your boss has confidence in you, so I'll trust you on this. But I've never once heard you say how deep to plant them."
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#720 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted September 15, 2013 - 02:54 PM

:wallbanging:  :wallbanging:  :wallbanging:  :wallbanging:

 

1098454_542970799110300_641762653_n.jpg

 

1235451_520181218067760_2012224274_n.jpg


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