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Official Joke Thread


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#271 LTD OFFLINE  

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Posted September 16, 2012 - 08:09 PM

For Golf playing people.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Top 10 Caddy Responses - my golfing buds can appreciate this.

Ten Best Caddy Responses

Number :10

Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Number : 9

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Number : 8

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . You miss the ball much closer now."

Number : 7

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Number : 6

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."

Number : 5

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Number : 4

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good - but personally, I prefer golf."

Number : 3

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Number : 2

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Bonus . . . . .

An old favorite . .. . . .
About the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . .

He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy. . . . .

Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . . . .??"
Caddy: "There's a piece of crap on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . . . .
Caddy: "No sir, its at the other end."

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#272 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 17, 2012 - 05:58 AM

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

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#273 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 17, 2012 - 12:11 PM

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' :laughingteeth:
:laughingteeth:
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#274 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted September 17, 2012 - 08:34 PM

Maynard, We are are blessed that your back problems have not affected your sense of humor !!
Thankx -Lee
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#275 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted September 18, 2012 - 04:32 AM

I agree, Lee! Maynard, hang in there!
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#276 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 18, 2012 - 06:31 AM

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
:rolleyes:
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#277 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 18, 2012 - 06:32 AM

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. :spanka:

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#278 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 18, 2012 - 06:57 AM

Military Pictures with a little Humour

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#279 GTTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted September 18, 2012 - 09:41 AM

Couple Sex

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
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#280 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 01:18 AM

hahahahahahahahahahaha That's a good one...



Just saw this one..


A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.



"What are you doing?" she asked.



"Hunting flies," he responded.



"Oh. Killing any?" she asked



"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.



Intrigued, she asked, "how can you tell them apart?"



He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
__________________
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#281 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 04:26 AM

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' :laughingteeth:

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#282 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 04:27 AM

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

The father replied, 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

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#283 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 04:55 AM

Mjodrey should i tell my wife that one??? We are having a boy in just over two months... :laughingteeth:

#284 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 05:00 AM

Mjodrey should i tell my wife that one??? We are having a boy in just over two months... :laughingteeth:

If you must, do so at your own risk! That may turn out to be your only/last child! :bigrofl:

#285 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted September 19, 2012 - 05:26 AM

Mjodrey should i tell my wife that one??? We are having a boy in just over two months... :laughingteeth:



Go for it.
BTW,have you got medical coverage? :laughingteeth:




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