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Official Joke Thread


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#226 caseguy OFFLINE  

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Posted August 14, 2012 - 03:05 PM

:confuse: pardon, I don't understand any word. Maynard, can you shoot me a :camera:

Two bugs in a field, one becomes a moviestar. The other stay at home and WHAT :brain_fart:


It's a pun on a common English saying and the translation may not carry the joke very well. The common saying is "the lesser of two evils"
The "bug" in the joke is a weevil (which, when said quickly in English sounds nearly the same)
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#227 jd.rasentrac ONLINE  

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Posted August 14, 2012 - 03:25 PM

Thank you Steve for translating. I was afraid it could be a special kind of joke I wouldn't understand :smiley-flag007:

#228 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2012 - 04:16 AM

:confuse: pardon, I don't understand any word. Maynard, can you shoot me a :camera:

Two bugs in a field, one becomes a moviestar. The other stay at home and WHAT :brain_fart:





Sorry for the misunderstanding on the joke ,glad Steve straightened it out for you.
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#229 jd.rasentrac ONLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2012 - 04:41 AM

Sorry for the misunderstanding on the joke ,glad Steve straightened it out for you.


Not your mistake, Maynard. As Steve said, it is a pun and a pun often needs slang to be understood. I only learned Oxford english forty years ago and so I couldn't understand.

And it's good that the "tricolore" was overlooked - might have been understood as a "franco-canadian-hint :canada:", otherwise I'll be :spanka: ;) :beerchug:
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#230 Sparky OFFLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2012 - 08:47 PM

One could argue that actors become boll weevils in time and have no equals else where . The ending in the movie The Fly was kind of appropiate - get the flyswatter !!

#231 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2012 - 10:34 AM

Think about this one. :D


The Tate Watch Co., established in the 1880s in Massachusetts, wanted to expand their line of products. They decided on compasses, reasoning that the pioneers travelling west would all need one. Their watches were of excellent quality, not so their compasses. Pioneers often ended up in Canada or Mexico. Hence the expression, "He who has a Tate is lost."
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#232 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2012 - 01:53 PM

women are impossible to understand


My wife left a note on the fridge...


"It's not working! I can't take it anymore; I've gone to stay with friends!"



I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was still cold...


What was she talking about?!!





.









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#233 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2012 - 02:57 PM

Must not have been the fridge!

#234 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2012 - 04:12 PM

Must not have been the fridge!



I figured it was the marriage.

#235 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  

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Posted August 17, 2012 - 07:31 AM

Think about this one. :D


The Tate Watch Co., established in the 1880s in Massachusetts, wanted to expand their line of products. They decided on compasses, reasoning that the pioneers travelling west would all need one. Their watches were of excellent quality, not so their compasses. Pioneers often ended up in Canada or Mexico. Hence the expression, "He who has a Tate is lost."

Maynard, those lost westward pioneers were those who only traveled at NIGHT

#236 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted August 19, 2012 - 10:33 AM

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.
While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'
The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.
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#237 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 20, 2012 - 05:56 AM

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last
request, dear," he said.

"Of course, John," his wife said softly.

"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."

"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..

With his last breath John said, "I do!"

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#238 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 20, 2012 - 07:50 AM

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that
they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they've
passed.

Ain't that the truth !!

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#239 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted August 20, 2012 - 07:51 AM

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When
you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning
over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband,
a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful
teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's
lives.."

Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

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#240 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted August 20, 2012 - 09:59 AM

President Barrack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama" a heavily accented southern voice said. "This here is Archie, down at Williamstown , West Virginia , I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barrack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from the local VA Lodge. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll haveta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, Harry's John Deere tractor, and a drill from the mine."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again about twenty minutes later. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Well, nuts," said Archie, "l'll haveta call you back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."



WEST VIRGINIA CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

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