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Official Joke Thread


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#2116 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 20, 2016 - 05:38 PM

WAIT!  

 

We have a new Candidate!

 


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#2117 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted October 20, 2016 - 11:09 PM

14650446_845136542288193_2411966034568872714_n.jpg

 

14729344_1292612870798898_7451239189267097500_n.jpg

 

14708241_845245808943933_1361333328840164303_n.jpg


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#2118 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 22, 2016 - 06:14 AM

Parents find out that their little boy has been swallowing his Toy Horses, and they rush him to the ER.
After all the paperwork and tests, the Dr comes in to tell them that their little boy has actually swallowed a dozen toy horses and he needs to remain in the hospital for several days to monitor the situation.
The Dad asked what his sons chances are and the Dr replied that his condition is currently Stable.




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#2119 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 22, 2016 - 06:29 AM

And did you hear about them finally honoring the person who invented the Knock Knock Joke?
He has been awarded a No-Bell prize.
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#2120 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 23, 2016 - 06:49 AM

Thanks to Ikea, 50 years from now “My grandfather built this with his own two hands” won’t have quite the same impact it once did.
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#2121 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted October 23, 2016 - 07:44 AM

Due to budget constraints, the company shall no longer offer free parking, filtered air, coffee in the break room, all light bulbs are being switch to 13w cfl's, and the stalls in the bathrooms are now pay units. (bring quarters!)

However, to maintain a healthy workforce, we shall continue to jump to conclusions, push our luck, dodge responsibility, fly off the handle at a moment's notice, and continue to carry things too far.

More details included in your email. Email passwords must be changed within the next 48 hours to a 26 character minimum, due to not upgrading security for two years.

Mandatory meeting Saturday morning, 8 am.
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#2122 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted October 27, 2016 - 10:04 AM

At a recent wedding reception the D.J. called for all the married men to stand beside the one that makes their married life a joy. The bartender was almost crushed.
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#2123 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 27, 2016 - 10:29 AM

Alright, who here believes these;

 

marines.jpg


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#2124 29 Chev ONLINE  

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Posted October 27, 2016 - 10:31 AM

A homeless man was being interviewed about how he came to be living on the street.  He replied that a recent large lottery win had resulted in his present lack of a permanent address.  Puzzled the reporter asked how suddenly having lots of money had left him homeless to which he replied that his wife had came home about a month ago screeching her car into the driveway, and she ran into the house slamming the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

He replied, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" 

 

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

 

 


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#2125 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted October 27, 2016 - 06:01 PM


Compliments of Iamsherwood

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#2126 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 29, 2016 - 06:12 AM

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...


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#2127 Marty'70 ONLINE  

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Posted October 29, 2016 - 06:52 PM

Alright, who here believes these;

attachicon.gifmarines.jpg

Seems fitting. It's in the "Official joke thread" , and it's all about Marines! Jus sayin'

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#2128 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted October 30, 2016 - 06:28 PM

crazy.jpg

 

rattle.jpg


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#2129 KCJAX6810 OFFLINE  

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Posted November 03, 2016 - 11:45 PM

I made this year's back after trying to get a tire TUBE.....Chinese dude told me to just use a screwdriver.....Just think autozone 10ed888c4d579d644f2e10398270de40.jpg

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#2130 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted November 05, 2016 - 02:04 PM

Bob and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bob didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and
figured maybe he had a cold or something...
But after Bob hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park,
Fred didn't know where Bob lived, so he was unable to find out what
had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Bob
but one day, Fred approached the park and--lo and behold!--there sat Bob!

Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bob, what in the world happened to you?'

Bob replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bob said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress
at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?

Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich
and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'


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