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Posted October 20, 2016 - 11:09 PM
Posted October 22, 2016 - 06:14 AM
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Posted October 27, 2016 - 10:29 AM
Posted October 27, 2016 - 10:31 AM
A homeless man was being interviewed about how he came to be living on the street. He replied that a recent large lottery win had resulted in his present lack of a permanent address. Puzzled the reporter asked how suddenly having lots of money had left him homeless to which he replied that his wife had came home about a month ago screeching her car into the driveway, and she ran into the house slamming the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
He replied, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Posted October 29, 2016 - 06:12 AM
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?' To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'...
Posted November 03, 2016 - 11:45 PM
Posted November 05, 2016 - 02:04 PM
Bob and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Bob didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and
figured maybe he had a cold or something...
But after Bob hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park,
Fred didn't know where Bob lived, so he was unable to find out what
had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Bob
but one day, Fred approached the park and--lo and behold!--there sat Bob!
Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bob, what in the world happened to you?'
Bob replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Bob said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress
at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?
Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich
and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'