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Official Joke Thread


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#2071 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 03, 2016 - 11:25 PM

Terrible!   :(

 

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#2072 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2016 - 12:26 PM

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#2073 drbish ONLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2016 - 02:31 PM

 Two men were discussing their wives,One said he loved his wife very much,but every time they got into an argument she became historical

You must mean  hysterical

No historical. She keeps bringing up the past


Edited by drbish, September 06, 2016 - 04:32 PM.

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#2074 UncleWillie OFFLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2016 - 02:33 PM

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#2075 Greasy6020 OFFLINE  

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Posted September 05, 2016 - 02:45 PM

Tight jeans...

One wrong step, and you have air conditioning!
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#2076 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 05:17 PM

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#2077 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 07, 2016 - 05:18 PM

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#2078 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 08, 2016 - 06:05 AM

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#2079 Sawdust OFFLINE  

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Posted September 08, 2016 - 05:38 PM

A new ceo took over a corporation & was determined to make a name for himself. He told all the employees I'm getting rid of all the dead weight around here immediately.

A few weeks went by while he watched every move people made trying to catch someone doing nothing.

One afternoon he watched a young man standing by a conference room door just standing there, no papers, no phone just doing nothing.

The ceo walked over & said to the young man I've been watching you & I want to know just how much you get paid in a week doing this. The young man stuttering & nervous replied $400. sir. The ceo said wait right here I'll be back. The ceo came back & said here's $1600. a months wages. I want you out of here & never come back.

The ceo walked into the conference room & very proudly said well that idiot standing outside the door won't ever be back. Did anyone know him well. Not really sir he was just the pizza delivery boy.
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#2080 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 10, 2016 - 04:42 PM

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#2081 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 11, 2016 - 12:09 AM

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#2082 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 11, 2016 - 02:41 AM

Drunks and Turtles
 
 
 
 
 
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground
 rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator
 at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated
 state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a
 gun.
 
 He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after
 trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on
 inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three
 bull's-eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of
 glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of
 what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small,
 live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.
 
 An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once
 again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once
 more scored three bull's-eyes and was given another turtle.
 
 Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt.
 Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general
 direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more
 he had scored three bull's-eyes . But this time there was an onlooker
 with good eyesight.
 
 "That's fantastic", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
 
 The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target
 and inspecting it closely.
 
 "Yes, sir!" he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
 Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent
 68-piece set of glassware!"
 
 "I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied-
 
 
 
"Give me another one of those little crusty meat pies!

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#2083 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted September 13, 2016 - 06:24 AM

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#2084 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted September 14, 2016 - 01:49 PM


A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'
When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
'Why, that’s amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'
The Newfie nodded...'I'll tell you though, by Jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the friggin' skipping!"


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#2085 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted September 14, 2016 - 06:45 PM

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