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Official Joke Thread


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#2026 Marty'70 OFFLINE  

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Posted August 09, 2016 - 06:52 PM

John Deere . . . I just don't see the attraction.






attachicon.gifJD WTF.jpg

Looks like someone is trying to compensate for something....

Hopefully you guys know I'm saying that in all good fun.

Sent from my QMV7B using Tapatalk

Edited by Marty'70, August 09, 2016 - 09:01 PM.

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#2027 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted August 09, 2016 - 10:17 PM

Commercial built spray rig setup.
Very cool
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#2028 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted August 11, 2016 - 09:55 PM

https://www.youtube....h?v=vupgBykQnko



#2029 Marty'70 OFFLINE  

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    I didn't do it! Unless you have paperwork to back it up

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Posted August 12, 2016 - 08:46 AM

b07e858900b7000b6c954b6d46408990.jpg

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#2030 adamjd200 ONLINE  

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Posted August 12, 2016 - 12:48 PM

A "Crappy" situation!

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#2031 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted August 13, 2016 - 08:37 PM

Aussie Humor

 

A Northern Territory aboriginal farmhand radios back to the property manager;

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. The pig's ok, but he's stuck in the front bull bar and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out."

The manager says, "Ok, there's an old Lee Enfield .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him."

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the .303, shot the pig in the head and hauled him from the bull-bar. No problem there, but I still can't go on".

"Now what's the problem ?" raged the Manager.

"Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch."

"You there Boss ?"


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#2032 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted August 13, 2016 - 09:29 PM

BAGPIPE Funeral


Time is like a river.  You cannot touch the water twice, because the  flow
that has passed will never pass again.  Enjoy every moment of life.  As a
bagpiper, I play many gigs.  Recently I was asked by a funeral director to
play at a graveside service for a homeless man.  He had no family or
friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the South West
of Western Australia.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods of the South West, I got lost and,
being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone
and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew
left and they were eating lunch.  I felt badly and apologized to the men
for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the
vault lid was already in place.  I didn't know what else to do, so I
started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.  I played
like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep.  They wept, I
wept, we all wept together.  When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car.  Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never
seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for
twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

 


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#2033 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2016 - 01:15 AM

Three old guys were walking down the street.

First old guy says, "Windy isn't it?"

Second old guy says, "Nope, it's Thursday"

Third old guy says, "Me too, let's go for a beer".


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#2034 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2016 - 12:39 PM

One fisherman to another: "Fishing saved me from being a porn star, now all I am is a hooker."
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#2035 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2016 - 02:19 PM

>groooooannnnn<


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#2036 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2016 - 05:11 PM

I am NOT short! I'm just more down to earth than most people.
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#2037 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted August 15, 2016 - 05:38 PM

I am NOT short! I'm just more down to earth than most people.

And one helluva fine lady! Luv reading your posts!


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#2038 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2016 - 12:18 AM

Now I'm blushing. Thank you Kenny.
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#2039 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2016 - 06:21 AM

And one helluva fine lady! Luv reading your posts!


And an amen on that one.
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#2040 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted August 16, 2016 - 06:23 AM

I am NOT short! I'm just more down to earth than most people.


Gonna read that one to my wife... Hope my coma is short this time.
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