Things that make you scratch your head,
Official Joke Thread
Posted April 07, 2016 - 11:04 PM
- MH81 said thank you
Posted April 09, 2016 - 01:51 PM
- oldedeeres and Greasy6020 have said thanks
Posted April 09, 2016 - 02:30 PM
- oldedeeres said thank you
Posted April 09, 2016 - 07:11 PM
A young man from the city decided to give farming a try. With spring coming he thought it would be a great idea to get some baby chicks figuring that after a few months he would have fresh eggs. He did some reading to find out the best method to be successful and after checking several sources decided that he would purchase 20 baby chicks and give it a try. Sadly after a couple of days he found that all of the chicks had died. Not one to be discouraged he again did some more research and purchased 20 more baby chicks with thigh hopes. Sadly after a couple of days they all died as well. He decided to have one more go so he did some more in depth research and purchased another 20 baby chicks confident that this time he had figured out what he was doing wrong. Unfortunately this time the chicks all died as well. At this point he emailed the Department Of Agriculture and explained in great detail his problem in hopes that they could provide an answer as to why the chicks were dying. He received the following response. “After studying your case in great detail we have come to the following conclusions as to why the baby chicks are dying - you are either planting the chicks too deep or too close together!”
- KennyP, CRFarnsworth and Sawdust have said thanks
Posted April 09, 2016 - 07:17 PM
- CRFarnsworth, EricR and oldedeeres have said thanks
Posted April 09, 2016 - 09:05 PM
Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was :
Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?
The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't now what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
- oldedeeres said thank you
Posted April 10, 2016 - 05:15 PM
A Texas State
Trooper was patrolling late at night off the mainhighway.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get acloser look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading
a magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the
rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car
and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'?
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm
reading a magazine'.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat
the trooper says: 'And her, what is she doing'?
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'.
Now, the trooper is totally confused.
A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane . .
And nothing obscene is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young
man'? The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'.
The trooper asks: 'And her, what's her
age'? The young man looks at his watch and replies:
'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes . .
- MH81, OldBuzzard, Bruce Dorsi and 6 others have said thanks
Posted April 11, 2016 - 06:27 PM
- MH81, CRFarnsworth, jpackard56 and 5 others have said thanks
Posted April 11, 2016 - 07:14 PM
I won't type what my wife just said!
- oldedeeres, adamjd200 and Auburn David have said thanks
Posted April 11, 2016 - 09:35 PM
- MH81 and KennyP have said thanks
Posted April 12, 2016 - 06:55 AM
The next time anybody thinks about giving any lip to an Ohio State Trooper remember first, being tasered is part of their training process here. The military didn't even do that to us when I was in...David don't know if you were joking or not but your description is spot on, even so and as bad as it is I laughed till I cried when I read you post.
- MH81, oldedeeres and Auburn David have said thanks
Posted April 12, 2016 - 10:50 AM
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No, he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
- wvbuzzmaster, KennyP, HowardsMF155 and 8 others have said thanks
Posted April 12, 2016 - 11:54 AM
- MH81, OldBuzzard, Texas Deere and Horse and 8 others have said thanks