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Official Joke Thread


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#1771 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted March 27, 2016 - 06:33 PM

Blonde, car, mattress.....true story
A Blonde, a Car and a Mattress - - Not a Joke -- Pictures Included

A Blonde ran over a mattress on the highway,
and decided not to worry -- and kept on driving.
It caught on the undercarriage of her Ford.

The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough
to tear a hole in the fuel tank.

The Subsequent Lack Of Fuel Is What Finally
Brought Her Vehicle To Its Knees..
She Had Still Managed To Drive 30 More Miles
With A 60-Pound Tangle of Stuff Wrapped Around Her Drive Shaft.
She Had it Towed To Her Ford Dealership And Complained
That The Vehicle Had A "Sort Of Shimmy"
When She Was Driving At High Speeds.

Below Are The Photos Of What They
Found At Her Ford Dealership....................
The Last Photo Is By Far The Best.
"Sort Of A Shimmy" -- I'll Bet It Did!
 
blonde 3.jpg blonde 4.jpg
 
(I hate it when I touch the photo and it makes it smaller!) The second photo shows all the wire from the mattress wrapped around the drive shaft.

Edited by LilysDad, March 27, 2016 - 06:36 PM.

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#1772 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted March 27, 2016 - 06:44 PM

This young woman is no different from the rest of us, both family happiness and heartbreak are familiar to her.  She is simply looking for an answer to her questions.  How do you maintain a relationship?  How do you bring back the excitement of the first date?
 
She wrote a letter to the tech support to find her answers.  She sent the letter as a joke and only remembered about it when she suddenly received an email notification with a response.


Dear Tech Support,

�Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
 
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
 
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.  Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.  What can I do?
 
Signed,
Desperate

 
 
Dear Desperate,

"First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program.  These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.  We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!�

Tech Support

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#1773 oldedeeres ONLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 12:03 PM

 

Blonde, car, mattress.....true story
A Blonde, a Car and a Mattress - - Not a Joke -- Pictures Included

A Blonde ran over a mattress on the highway,
and decided not to worry -- and kept on driving.
It caught on the undercarriage of her Ford.

The ensuing jumble finally whipped around enough
to tear a hole in the fuel tank.

The Subsequent Lack Of Fuel Is What Finally
Brought Her Vehicle To Its Knees..
She Had Still Managed To Drive 30 More Miles
With A 60-Pound Tangle of Stuff Wrapped Around Her Drive Shaft.
She Had it Towed To Her Ford Dealership And Complained
That The Vehicle Had A "Sort Of Shimmy"
When She Was Driving At High Speeds.

Below Are The Photos Of What They
Found At Her Ford Dealership....................
The Last Photo Is By Far The Best.
"Sort Of A Shimmy" -- I'll Bet It Did!
 
 
(I hate it when I touch the photo and it makes it smaller!) The second photo shows all the wire from the mattress wrapped around the drive shaft.

 

 

 

 

  And just how do you know she's blonde???


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#1774 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 01:57 PM

And just how do you know she's blonde???


See, Some of these guys have met my wife.
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#1775 wvbuzzmaster OFFLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 02:08 PM

See, Some of these guys have met my wife.


Give your wife some credit Alan, the real problem in your house is getting her drivers license very soon, and she has a lot more of that blonde hair than your wife (and already preparing herself for the zombie apocolyse). :poke:

Edited by wvbuzzmaster, March 28, 2016 - 02:08 PM.

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#1776 Auburn David OFFLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 02:18 PM

image.jpeg
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#1777 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 03:17 PM

carmattress.jpg

 

Pretty amazing that thing was still running.


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#1778 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 03:22 PM

burrito.jpg


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#1779 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 04:24 PM

Please nobody pop a gasket, it's all just in humor.
I'd laugh regardless of who was in office.

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  • image.jpeg

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#1780 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 07:08 PM

  And just how do you know she's blonde???

I guess we just have to trust the mechanic who took the photo to know the difference.


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#1781 LilysDad OFFLINE  

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Posted March 28, 2016 - 07:32 PM

I haven't bothered to check Snopes on this one & I don't plan to. It's just too funny...


as-the-saying-goes-craigs-list-ad-demoti

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#1782 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted March 29, 2016 - 04:40 AM

1662670_10153232497019171_9186454024252603734_n.jpg


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#1783 KennyP OFFLINE  

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Posted March 29, 2016 - 05:05 AM

Been there! Done That!


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#1784 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted March 29, 2016 - 07:16 AM

12801554_988770864541927_4031683381442185891_n.jpg


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#1785 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted March 29, 2016 - 07:55 AM

 

How times have changed.  I swear I seen this in a cartoon format years ago, and it said "Please send clothes to those poor girls in daddy's magazine"


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