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Official Joke Thread


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#1741 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted March 16, 2016 - 09:20 AM

COMPLETE and FINISHED

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by the best linguists in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?
Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is his astute answer:
When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!


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#1742 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted March 17, 2016 - 11:43 AM

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#1743 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted March 17, 2016 - 02:31 PM

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#1744 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted March 17, 2016 - 05:19 PM

When I was young I could hardly wait to grow older.

This sh!t is definitely not what I was expecting.
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#1745 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted March 17, 2016 - 06:01 PM

When I was young I could hardly wait to grow older.

This sh!t is definitely not what I was expecting.

You got that right!


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#1746 Username OFFLINE  

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Posted March 18, 2016 - 05:03 PM

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#1747 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 07:15 AM

Yes!!!


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#1748 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 07:26 AM

He's wrong, because he is to emotionally distant and not aware enough of how his potentially being right would make her feel...
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#1749 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 12:36 PM

Notice from The Society For the Prevention of Disturbance in the Universe.   Warning----  although no trees were harmed in the sending of this message, billions of electrons were REALLY AGITATED!!!   :firejumper:  :firejumper:  :firejumper:


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#1750 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 05:18 PM

Why you never question a drunk.......
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb.. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status..
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct .. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.

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#1751 CRFarnsworth OFFLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 05:25 PM

I'll have to be careful about who I repeat that joke to!         


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#1752 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 11:18 PM

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#1753 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted March 19, 2016 - 11:21 PM

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Edited by WNYTractorTinkerer, March 19, 2016 - 11:21 PM.

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#1754 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted March 20, 2016 - 03:01 AM

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#1755 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted March 20, 2016 - 01:33 PM

To my children: Never make fun of having to help me with mechanical stuff. I taught you how to use a spoon!
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