Sounds like some of the comments we would give back to the operators when I was in the military and we would get DA2404's with some off the wall problems written down on them.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Official Joke Thread
Posted January 30, 2016 - 05:13 PM
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Posted January 31, 2016 - 12:51 PM
- MH81, wvbuzzmaster, diesel nut and 6 others have said thanks
Posted January 31, 2016 - 11:18 PM
During the silent prayer On a wooden pew. This was probably why the church put up sauna tubes or whatever those echo suppressant half pipe things are... That was my finest one yet
This was posted by a Facebook friend.
"Where is the worst place to pass gas? I was thinking of this this morning...new Lothrop Nazarene church in the back choir pew...during choir on Sunday morning. The noise would reverb off the paneling and shoot forward. The women in the front row would slowly turn, the men would giggle and my father who was leading the choir would give me that stern look while trying to suppress a smile, while receiving looks of daggers from my mother at the piano, as I watched the pastors shoulders shake uncontrollably as he leaned forward trying to suppress a laugh. "
Edited by Greasy6020, January 31, 2016 - 11:21 PM.
Posted February 01, 2016 - 05:32 PM
Answer: Storage isn't a problem, retrieval is the problem.
- MH81 and KennyP have said thanks
Posted February 01, 2016 - 05:48 PM
Storage, retrieval It's all bad, Joyce.
- KennyP, WNYTractorTinkerer and oldedeeres have said thanks
Posted February 05, 2016 - 05:58 AM
I get a little bit scared every time you post one of these.
A Mod usually comes in and decodes it for ya's as I don't have the access to make it happen.. Sorry..
- adamjd200 said thank you
Posted February 06, 2016 - 06:09 PM
rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator
at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated
state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after
trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on
inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three
bull's-eyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of
glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of
what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small,
live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once
again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once
more scored three bull's-eyes and was given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt.
Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general
direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more
he had scored threebull's-eyes . But this time there was an onlooker
with good eyesight.
"That's fantastic", the man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to the target
and inspecting it closely.
"Yes, sir!" he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent
68-piece set of glassware!"
"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me another
one of those little crusty meat pies!
Edited by LilysDad, February 06, 2016 - 06:10 PM.
- WNYTractorTinkerer, oldedeeres, adamjd200 and 2 others have said thanks
Posted February 06, 2016 - 08:09 PM
- KennyP, oldedeeres and adamjd200 have said thanks
Posted February 06, 2016 - 10:07 PM
SO THE HUSBAND WENT TO THE VETERINARIAN AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION AND THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM HE COULD HAVE A VASECTOMY BUT IT WAS EXPENSIVE.
AND TOLD HIM OF A MUCH CHEAPER ALTERNATIVE, GO HOME AND GET A CHERRY BOMB LIGHT IT PUT IT IN A EMPTY BEE
R CAN AND HOLD IT NEXT TO YOUR EAR AND COUNT TO TEN. THE ALABAMIEN SAID TO THE DOCTOR I'M NOT THE SHARP
EST TOOL IN THE SHED BUT I DON'T SEE HOW THAT CAN WORK. TRUST ME THE DOC SAYS, SO HE WENT HOME PUT THE CHERRY BOMB IN THE CAN HELD IT TO HIS EAR AND COUNTED ON ONE HAND 1 2 3 4 5 PUT THE CAN BETWEEN HIS LEGS AND COUNTED WITH HIS OTHER HAND 1 2 3 4 5 IT IS SAID TO HAVE WORKED in Ark. Ky. Miss. and parts of Ga.
Edited by HANKG, February 06, 2016 - 10:10 PM.
- Bruce Dorsi, wvbuzzmaster, KennyP and 3 others have said thanks