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Official Joke Thread


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#1561 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted January 18, 2016 - 10:57 PM

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#1562 DougT ONLINE  

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Posted January 18, 2016 - 11:09 PM

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I'd sit back and watch. If you're that bad, you shouldn't be hauling anything anyways!!


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#1563 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 18, 2016 - 11:11 PM

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He will know as soon as that strap breaks and comes through his back window, reminds me of the trucker who released his fifth wheel but didn't unhook his air lines, he needed new shorts afterwards! :D  


Edited by adamjd200, January 18, 2016 - 11:11 PM.

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#1564 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted January 20, 2016 - 11:00 AM

Children's Science Exam Answers
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this !) A: Keep it
in the cow.

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your
bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his
boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g, abdomen.) A: The
body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,A,E,I,O
and U.

Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...) A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section
is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after
you be eightI
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#1565 olds45512 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 20, 2016 - 01:16 PM

The teacher asks Tommy to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Tommys reply - My babysitter has a blouse with nine buttons but her breast's are so big she can only fascinate.

Edited by olds45512, January 20, 2016 - 01:17 PM.

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#1566 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted January 20, 2016 - 09:23 PM

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
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#1567 olds45512 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 21, 2016 - 08:54 AM


A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"

"You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
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#1568 oldedeeres ONLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 12:18 AM

Why don't we ever see the headline  "Psychic Wins Lottery" ?


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#1569 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 10:18 AM

12439219_207389446269289_4751892385211558549_n.jpg



#1570 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 02:41 PM

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Took me a while to get that one!


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#1571 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 07:23 PM

OOPS!




#1572 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 07:32 PM

Weeding out the gene pool!

#1573 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 07:56 PM

First, they had it high hitched, then they didnt have a flagged, then that cackling hen with the camera was laughing the whole time that guy was almost getting hurt. :wallbanging:

#1574 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 22, 2016 - 10:25 PM

Note the beer can in the hand of the guy driving the JD, alcohol and machinery- bad idea.


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#1575 oldedeeres ONLINE  

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Posted January 23, 2016 - 01:00 AM

The science of stupid.
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