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Official Joke Thread


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#1531 HANKG OFFLINE  

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Posted January 08, 2016 - 12:40 AM

A man goes to a dentist with a very swollen jaw the dentist says let me have a look, he looks and tells the man the tooth must come out let me get you numb, the man says no Novacane , the dentist tells the man its an impacted wisdom tooth it will hurt like hell. The man tells the dentist just pull it.... the dentist gets in there and is yanking on it and twisting it and it finally comes out. The guy never once flinched the dentist intrigued asks how he withstood such pain the man replied I experienced worse pain at least twice in my life I was hunting and had to take a dump as I squatted over a log I got my balls caught in a bear trap that was the first time, the dentist is cringing of the thought of that and reluctantly asks what was the second time , the man said when he ran the length of the chain.


Edited by HANKG, January 08, 2016 - 12:41 AM.


#1532 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted January 08, 2016 - 08:15 AM



I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.

Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a (PMS-primary murder suspect) in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
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#1533 jpackard56 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 08, 2016 - 08:53 AM

Actually, it may have had a semi-positive effect.
That, or she realized she was out of tomorrows to say "maybe" about.

I wondered how that worked out ! Was hoping it wasn't as bad as username quoted...but honestly I wasn't brave enough to ask. I often share posts with my wife since she was doing all my reading for me this summer and I showed that one to my wife with some trepidation, in her best teasing shmirck she responded "so tomorrow everybody is caught up and starts all over with no back-log, all these years YOU never told me about that rule !"


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#1534 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted January 08, 2016 - 07:07 PM

12417700_957208494365645_3319941640498583610_n.png

 

 

 

 

12439150_957208517698976_5951360219642028485_n.png

 

 

 

 

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#1535 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted January 08, 2016 - 07:14 PM

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12226994_10153316579777499_7897924218015462725_n.png


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#1536 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted January 09, 2016 - 01:38 PM

.

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#1537 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted January 09, 2016 - 05:59 PM

.


I saw a different version

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#1538 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted January 09, 2016 - 07:01 PM

The fact that there's a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic statistics.


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#1539 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted January 09, 2016 - 09:43 PM

12540587_1005612799524597_8861411315907635992_n.jpg

 

10270720_933603173387406_5040930610296728680_n.jpg


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#1540 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted January 10, 2016 - 12:16 AM

The fact that there's a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic statistics.


Hahahahahahahahahahaha
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#1541 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted January 12, 2016 - 06:18 AM

Two sailors are on shore leave after 6 months at sea. Late that night they decide to visit a brothel.

 

They are completely soused at this point so the madam tells her girls to give them blow-up dolls as they won't know the difference.

 

Later, they are walking back to base when one sailor tells the other, "I think my girl was dead. She just lay there the whole time!".

 

The other says "I'm pretty sure mine was a witch. When I rolled her over and, bit her on the a$$, she farted in my face then flew out the window!"


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#1542 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted January 12, 2016 - 06:21 AM

Teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. She says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."

A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," the little girl began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

That must've been scary," says the teacher.

"It sure was," says the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'"

"And before he could say '****!' the rottweiler ate him!"


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#1543 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted January 12, 2016 - 08:06 AM

^

 

That is one of my favorite jokes right there...



#1544 Greasy6020 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 13, 2016 - 09:15 AM

Tea without sugar is vegetable soup
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#1545 camdigger OFFLINE  

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Posted January 13, 2016 - 06:06 PM

True story.....

While at work, I got a call from my wife "Your 4 year old daughter just took a permanent marker and drew a line all the way down the hall to the bathroom"
Being the problem solving type, I said ""Try alcohol, that should take care of it"
My beloved spouse said....


"I don't think I can drink that much....."
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