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Official Joke Thread


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#1501 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 15, 2015 - 04:12 PM

Don't see this every DAY


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#1502 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 15, 2015 - 08:42 PM

The thanks button isn't enough, love it thank you!


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#1503 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 15, 2015 - 09:30 PM

84860049.png

 

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12391913_991890234230187_636133442746562500_n.jpg


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#1504 BTS OFFLINE  

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Posted December 17, 2015 - 08:49 AM

A Steel Factory I worked out, the maintenance guys would fill the cardboard tubes the drill bits came in  with acetylene, run a couple wires in both end caps then connect to ignition of the truckers that came in to get loaded. As soon as they went to start truck, boom, nice little surprise...they kept us all awake on 3rd shift.

 

A friend of mine worked at AGCO, they use to fill pipes with acetylene and set them off for jokes. But once there was a inspector there, he was talking to my friend and as soon as the inspector turned around my friend filled a pipe with acetylene and set it off. It scared the tar out of the inspector, he said if he EVER did that again he will be fired. So then my friend waited until inspector was a about 15 feet away and set off another one. My friend worked there for another 20 years


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#1505 TAHOE OFFLINE  

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Posted December 17, 2015 - 09:09 AM

152.jpg


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#1506 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted December 17, 2015 - 04:20 PM

A woman was sitting with her 9 year old granddaughter at the breakfast table one Feburary 15th and asked her if she knew what the day was.

"Oh, it's President's Day!" the girl cheerfully replied.

Proud of her granddaughter she took a sip of her coffee before asking what that meant to her.

"Well, on President's Day," the girl began to explain, "the President goes outside and if he sees his shadow then there's gonna be another year of BS in Washington."
 


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#1507 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted December 17, 2015 - 04:23 PM

HELP LINE: " Hello my name is Bob how can I help you?"




Caller: " Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem.


I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.


Anyway, last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.


Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"


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#1508 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted December 17, 2015 - 05:37 PM

 

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I

Have even done it myself a couple times, but this one is

important. So please send this warning to everyone on

your e-mail list.



If someone comes to your front door saying they are

checking for ticks due to the warming weather and asks

you to take your clothes off and dance around with

your arms up...

DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM!!



They only want to see you naked...

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so used!

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#1509 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 18, 2015 - 08:45 PM

:mad2:  :reading_the_manual:  :oh_shucks:

 

12373422_730026627097438_5447801593973306017_n.jpg


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#1510 Diesel1050 ONLINE  

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Posted December 19, 2015 - 08:15 AM

:mad2: :reading_the_manual: :oh_shucks:

attachicon.gif12373422_730026627097438_5447801593973306017_n.jpg

Hey, he still got screwed!

#1511 chieffan ONLINE  

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Posted December 19, 2015 - 07:55 PM

What do people in Iowa use when they run out of toilet paper?  A Husker !



#1512 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted December 24, 2015 - 09:28 AM

A man was vacationing in Barcelona, Spain, really taking in the local culture. That takes time. One day he heard about a restaurant nearby the bull fighting ring that was apparently a secret haunt of well connected locals.

As he'd been in town for a while, and also because he just happened to know a guy, he managed to get a reservation.

The small charming eatery hung heavy with the trophies of years, souvenirs of many different sporting events, not just bull fights. It was dimly lit and the patrons boisterous. As he looked over the menu he noticed the men at the nearby table as they praised their meal, some kind of soup, and so when the waiter appeared he asked for what they were having.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Sir," the man said in Spanish, "but we do not have any more of that dish tonight."

"Why not?" the man asked, also in Spanish.

"Sir, those are are a house specialty, testicles fresh from the day's bull fight. That's why we only have so much on any given day ... but, sir, if you will come back tomorrow, after your meal today of course, we will make sure that you can have a serving."

The man thought about it and accepted the offer. His dinner was delicious which only made him look forward to the next day all the more.

The next day he was prompt. As part of the meal he was told about how this meal is considered an honor by those in the know. Afterwards the waiter asked what he thought of the dish.

"It was very interesting and good. But there's one thing I've been wondering at: the portions I saw yesterday seemed much larger than mine."

The waiter nodded: "Sometimes the bull wins, there's just no getting around it."


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#1513 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2015 - 11:36 AM

An old guy was working out at the gym when he spotted a young hot

 

girl walking in.

 

He asked the trainer standing next to him,

 

"What machine should I use to impress that girl over there?"

 

 

The trainer looked him up and down and said;

 

 

 

 

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."


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#1514 WNYTractorTinkerer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 29, 2015 - 11:49 AM

This guy teaches you all about electrical safety!
 

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#1515 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted December 29, 2015 - 12:00 PM

This guy teaches you all about electrical safety!

 

HERE

Yeah! What NOT to do! :bigrofl:


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