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Official Joke Thread


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#1486 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 11, 2015 - 10:19 PM

:tapping_fingers:

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#1487 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 02:38 PM

What would you do??
 
WATCH


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#1488 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 04:50 PM

Another way is to slip a firecracker between two sheets of metal butted together for welding.



#1489 Username OFFLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 05:30 PM

Life of a parts salesman

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#1490 petrj6 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 06:02 PM

    MAN OH MAN that brings back memory's, My first real job was in a structural steel mill and the big joke up there was to fill a sandwich bag full off oxy acetoline mixture and throw it under a set of horses where you were welding or cutting, BANG!!!! when a spark hit that.  I will tell you what I  had to change my shorts more than on time because of that!!  funny as heck when you do it to someone else not so much when you are the victim.

                                                           Pete


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#1491 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 06:20 PM

Eight years late but still good

 ----------------------------------------

 

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2007:

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot , blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: "Lucky $@)!%^&*!

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his *** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ***. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 months." "He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"

 

 

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#1492 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 10:46 PM

That was great!



#1493 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 12, 2015 - 10:48 PM

What would you do??

 

WATCH

 

 

Another way is to slip a firecracker between two sheets of metal butted together for welding.

 

 

    MAN OH MAN that brings back memory's, My first real job was in a structural steel mill and the big joke up there was to fill a sandwich bag full off oxy acetoline mixture and throw it under a set of horses where you were welding or cutting, BANG!!!! when a spark hit that.  I will tell you what I  had to change my shorts more than on time because of that!!  funny as heck when you do it to someone else not so much when you are the victim.

                                                         

Who thinks up this stuff?



#1494 petrj6 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 13, 2015 - 07:10 AM

  Men who are bored and think it is funny to scare the wits out of another, the same sort of people who fart in a small room full of people !!!


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#1495 oldedeeres OFFLINE  

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Posted December 13, 2015 - 06:02 PM

I agree. I was never one for practical jokes or tricks that could frighten or hurt an innocent person.


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#1496 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 13, 2015 - 10:30 PM

  Men who are bored and think it is funny to scare the wits out of another, the same sort of people who fart in a small room full of people !!!

That made my day right there!


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#1497 TAHOE OFFLINE  

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Posted December 14, 2015 - 08:51 AM

    MAN OH MAN that brings back memory's, My first real job was in a structural steel mill and the big joke up there was to fill a sandwich bag full off oxy acetoline mixture and throw it under a set of horses where you were welding or cutting, BANG!!!! when a spark hit that.  I will tell you what I  had to change my shorts more than on time because of that!!  funny as heck when you do it to someone else not so much when you are the victim.

                                                           Pete

 

A Steel Factory I worked out, the maintenance guys would fill the cardboard tubes the drill bits came in  with acetylene, run a couple wires in both end caps then connect to ignition of the truckers that came in to get loaded. As soon as they went to start truck, boom, nice little surprise...they kept us all awake on 3rd shift.


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#1498 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted December 14, 2015 - 08:58 AM

This is a common thing at the coal mine too, not underground of course, but on the surface shops.  All the work benches have a piece of steel pipe welded to them, maybe 6" tall 3" in diameter.  The guys will wait till you are working on something, fill that pipe up with acetylene and set it off.  Scares the crap out of you!

 

It's sort of a right of passage.


Edited by toomanytoys84, December 14, 2015 - 09:11 AM.


#1499 petrj6 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 14, 2015 - 12:14 PM

Stuff like this is great fun in the right environment and context, most people don't see the humor in it until it happens to them then it isn't so bad and they need to exact a little revenge!!! Just got to keep it safe
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#1500 adamjd200 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 15, 2015 - 12:28 AM

Stuff like this is great fun in the right environment and context, most people don't see the humor in it until it happens to them then it isn't so bad and they need to exact a little revenge!!! Just got to keep it safe

Yah, I've done stupid stuff like this also, I think we all have at some point, when I was in votech back in high school I was walking behind a dump truck we had in the shop and someone decided to pull the little yellow knob in the cab, scared the s*** out of me.






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