Tomorrow, Americans celebrate an event that has only been around for 49 years but seems to be as ancient and momentous as New Years Day.
Fact: You know it is time for the Super Bowl when the 2014 Super Bowl postgame show finally concludes its consecutive 364 day run with the 2015 pregame show.
Fact: The past month's filmaking was predominately engrossed with producing shorts featuring professional drivers only riding closed courses in multimillion cars atop beautiful mountain vistas, skidding dramatically through sand dunes and dancing precariously along cliffs. All while stroking a hot young super model's thigh, whose hair was never mussed or white skin obscured by the dust of their desert travels.
Fact: By tonight, every member of both teams is photographed in every conceivable angle. There's Tom Brady grinning, Tom Brady looking tough, Tom Brady giving two thumbs up, Tom Brady spinning a ball on his pinkie finger while chewing gum and on ad infinitum.
Fact: After the photos are done, reporters swarm upon their victims to learn every conceivable thing about them for the interviews strategically shown throughout the game. They are looking for everything from what brought the man into the game to why he only drinks Sprite on game days.
Fact: Today, grocery stores changed from a family centered place to buy lettuce and milk to the hub for millions of men descending upon salsa, chips, and beer. Today was the only day that there were more men than women at the grocery store.
But to be plain, what really is the Super Bowl?
It is an event that an entire nation wants to see. We take an entire day and glue our eyes to viewing a small proportion of guys who are careless, rude, and reckless. Any other place, two gangs beating each other up and yelling at the law would be considered a felony. We are watching a game where a bunch of overpaid overgrown boys are chucked into an open field and told to kill anyone that will not allow them to carry a blown up leather balloon to the opposite end of the field. We choose to amuse ourselves by watching a group of men with headsets blow their tops over every play.
But lets get down to what is really important. What makes this day so special?
I firmly believe that it is because Americans finally become united for a couple hours and work in harmony. Municipalities' water levels drop and sewer levels ruse dramatically all at the same time that ESPN goes to a commercial break.