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Wife isn't talking to me now.


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#16 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:35 AM

1. Keep talking about it with her. If she or yourself starts to get angry or raises their voice, start over later.

 

2. Throw logic right out the G.D. window when dealing with a mother who wants another. (I did the spreadsheet argument once, when she got done with me Satan was telling his buddies 'watch out for that guy, he's an a-hole')

 

3. If you bring up the word 'responsible' when arguing your side, watch out. You're talking financials, I know. That isn't what she hears, though. You're challenging her, in her opinion.

 

4. Try talking long term goals with her. See if either of your views have changed recently. If either of yours have, try to discuss why that happened, and whether you need to re-prioritize.

 

5. Always let her talk first. She gets emotional, and you might actually find out something totally not related to your immediate family that is causing an issue. For instance, a backstabbing sister in law that gets her kicks from stirring up chit just before holiday gatherings to make her effed up family seem better.  Oops, sorry. Back to your situation.

 

This last one won't help your current pickle.

 

6. Never leave. Not angry, and not because she told you to. Let her know you're committed. Don't let her lock a bedroom door. Let nothing come between you. Doors are cheap, don't be afraid to break one. (something my youngest found out two years ago during a 'running away from home' hissy fit.


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#17 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:44 AM

Old house..solid oak door with huge ass hinges and might be a jail cell bolt for a lock..I think I might need my maul or chain saw to get thst sucker opened.

you make some valid points and suggestions Cat.
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#18 zippy1 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:48 AM

Had to pipe back in, I can't take it anymore.

Dr. Phil is a money hungry quack. The wife used to watch the crap, use to.

Don't anyone on here have a set? Everybody is like "wait till she calms down", "it'll get better in a couple days". You have feelings also, and it's your house to, your bedroom!!! And your the one outside?

I'd be taking the door off the jam, kids lock themselves in their room, not adults. It would be a cold day my wife locks me out of anything.

Yes, if anyone wants to know, the wife and I get along great. We are in our 50's and happy. I just don't go for the "poor wife BS".

My 2 cents....


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#19 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:59 AM

you make some valid points and suggestions Cat.

 

Well, it's because I'm always right. The hard part is the wait time between when I say it and when the wife realizes it.

 

 

:bigrofl:  :bigrofl: :bigrofl:  

 

We need a 'check over the shoulder' smilie.


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#20 boyscout862 ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 07:21 AM

We have one son and that was enough. We did that for him because my wife and I each had 2 brothers that have been huge pains all their lives. My 2 BILs left a huge mess for my wife and I don't talk to my brothers. Our son has been spared alot of grief by being an only child.

You are trying to be rational. Unfortunately, many young people have been taught that they are entittled to what they want. I found with the women that I have known that they want what they want and consequences are someone else's problem. As the husband you just have to be patient.

I would suspect that she may already be pregnant and is upset that you wont want it. That may explain the reaction. Good Luck, Rick
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#21 FrozenInTime ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 07:49 AM

Sounds like she is already prego.  All I will add is happy wife, happy life.


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#22 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 07:53 AM

The last two fellas being up an interesting point. Or maybe she was and something went wrong. We had that happen here as well, very difficult time for her. I was trying to play catchup big time with the emotions.

Even being a few days late can start the mind going in different directions.
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#23 LilysDad ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 08:46 AM

Drs. Phil and Laura have done a huge disservice to the mental health progfession by getting on TV and showing everyone they're. egos. If real councillors act like that to you, quickly go find another.

Edited by LilysDad, December 27, 2014 - 08:47 AM.

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#24 motobreeder OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 09:20 AM

A lot of interesting and good advice.  Need to figure out what will work for you.

 

My first thought was the same as the last 3 out of 4 posts - or even a couple days late on the calendar.  In any case - she's would have been thinking about things for days or weeks and may have it sorted out in her head.  As a guy, you get 2 seconds to choose the "right" reaction.  In your dialogue, did she have a chance to mention this with the possibility of a positive outcome?

 

 

We have two boys and feel very fortunate that two kids were what both of us had envisioned.  We were in our mid to late 30s when the kids were born.  Now they are teenagers.  You two are a lot younger.

 

Parents and kids bond in different ways.  My older son is a wrench-head and we love to build things.  My younger son is more domesticated, loves to cook and we love to sing together - but that only started recently.  In my opinion, equal time with both children isn't required or balanced.  Some kids want to come to you, others want you to come to them.  I know it's in the instruction manual, but we lost theirs during the chaos when they were born. ;)


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#25 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 10:01 AM

I don't think she is already pregnant. She is breast feeding and unless she is hiding something she has been taking her pills. I just went to the pharmacy earlier this week for them.

She is talking to me now. Nothing out if the ordinary this morning. Probably because I made breakfast
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#26 HANKG OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 10:09 AM

I think the way you do on that one tmt84 I would not bring more in to the world than I could not give the very best to. You can't have everything. maybe she will come around to facts.


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#27 TAHOE OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 11:09 AM

You should get bonus points for offering to live that close to your  in laws...I couldn't do it! 

Maybe that is part of the issue too, even though she loves her parents, maybe that is too close for her. 

 

I dunno what to say about the 3rd kid thing, I really never said how many kids i wanted, wife wanted 2, we ended up with 2.

 

No way I would've slept somewhere else without my choosing. I've told my wife, if she was mad and didn't want me around, then she could go sleep somewhere else  :dancingbanana: I've hit the couch a couple times over the years, but I didn't want to be around her haha


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#28 KC9KAS OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 11:12 AM

This is something you and your wife will have to work out.

No-one knows what works best for you in your situation EXCEPT you!

 

If I had the answers, I would still be married to the 1st one!!


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#29 Titus OFFLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 11:13 AM

She's HOW OLD?!? 25?!? 

 

Throwing my two cents in, for what it's worth.

 

Amber & I have been together for 8 years now, straight, no breaks, etc, or whatever these kids call it these days. And in that time period, we've fought like cats and dogs. Currently we're in another heated argument about something I can't remember. She tells me I never listen anyways.

 

Anyone who knows us knows that we love one another deeply. I know she does, because I know, no one could or would tolerate me for this long without some sort of future in mind.

 

My point to all of this is, I've wanted kids, I'm starting on that long road of seeing all the friends my age have kids, and now my foot is starting to tap. Amber on the other hand is not interested in having kids until after college is completed....she just signed up for a four year nursing program last week.

 

Amber & I are both 28. I have a solid, well paying job, she works for a bank. 

 

When we fight, I never back down, I don't give an inch, I'm known for that both at work and at home. I'll fight it to the very end. Sure, like many men, I will sit there and stew. But I stand my ground. I've also learned during this time period to break things down then stand your ground. The kids Vs the land statement you made, do it again, but keep eye contact the entire time. Watch and gauge her reaction, and keep on her about it until she sees the light. 

 

I wish you the best of luck, now I'm off to go drink coffee and see if anything I wrote here makes any sense.


Edited by Titus, December 27, 2014 - 11:14 AM.

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#30 toomanytoys84 ONLINE  

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Posted December 27, 2014 - 11:25 AM

You should get bonus points for offering to live that close to your in laws...I couldn't do it!
Maybe that is part of the issue too, even though she loves her parents, maybe that is too close for her.

I dunno what to say about the 3rd kid thing, I really never said how many kids i wanted, wife wanted 2, we ended up with 2.

No way I would've slept somewhere else without my choosing. I've told my wife, if she was mad and didn't want me around, then she could go sleep somewhere else :dancingbanana: I've hit the couch a couple times over the years, but I didn't want to be around her haha


I love my in laws. Basically it comes down to this with them. They have a very large very expensive home. Father in law is very sick and we have no idea how long she has. She wants to majorly downsize their home size. She can not afford the house payment when it is only her income.

I have accepted my 100 year old house is going to cost me about half as much as a new home to finish everything I want to do. Some of it I can't do myself and would need to **cringe** hire a contractor.

We are all going to look at the property today and then me and the wife are going to have a long talk about what she wants and what I want.
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