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Wife isn't talking to me now.

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#1 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  



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Posted December 26, 2014 - 10:15 PM

We had a disagreement tonight.  Started out we were over at the mother in laws.  There are two 2 acres lots side by side up the road from us for 20k each.  I told her mom, we need to go buy these two lots and keep them one, one for her, and one for us.  She wants to build a new house, and I want to build a new house. 


This endeavor is going to be a long one.  Probably take me 10 years to complete the project. 


So my wife says well, we can have another kid by the time we start on the house.  I'm like, umm, honey, we have two kids already, and for this to work, the extra expense to have another kid, just isn't going to work. 


She got mad, said I was selfish, she takes care of the kids more than I ever do.  And I agree.  I work out of town every week, and I do help as much as I can when I am home.  I work hard, and did this to provide extra for my family.  I didn't appreciate that being thrown in my face, but words spoken in anger or excitement are rarely how one really feels.


I told her, would you rather provide well for 2 kids, and give them the attention and things that they want, or would you rather provide ok for 3 kids and everyone have to do without?  She had no answer.


She just got madder at me, and went in the bedroom with the boy.  Do I give up on this? Give up my plan of building a new house?  Or suck it up and do both to keep her happy?  Am I being selfish?  I don't know what I am looking for here.  I just have my plan...


I am sitting in the back garage now shivering and typing this post.  Stupid wood stove is taking forever to heat up.


And please no one take this post the wrong way.  I am not bashing on anyone with 3 or 10 kids.  This is my personal choice for the amount of kids I'd like to have.  I am meaning nothing negative towards anything.  I know you guys aren't like that here, but just wanted to say that.  I consider all you guys my friends and do not want to upset anyone. 

Edited by toomanytoys84, December 26, 2014 - 10:15 PM.

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#2 Lauber1 OFFLINE  


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Posted December 26, 2014 - 10:28 PM

Dude it takes a lot of give and take to keep a marriage going. Just have to find some common ground(no pun intended) and work it out.

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#3 GTTinkerer OFFLINE  


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Posted December 26, 2014 - 10:35 PM

My take on the issue is that I sure hope ya'll don't have a "whoops" pregnancy because you are definitely painted into a corner now.


That being said my wife has been pregnant eight times; one miscarriage, one son who died at six days old, two boys and four girls.  I have talked with all the surviving kids individually and all together about if they would rather have the extra siblings or more "things"; all went with the first option.

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#4 petrj6 ONLINE  

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Posted December 26, 2014 - 10:40 PM

   Me and Momma only have one and that is the only way I would have it, with my sister and here kids she cannot afford we have our hands full.  smart choice on your part to take care of the two you have well, your wife will come around sooner or later and probably appreciate you for you candor in the end.  I told my wife no more kids one time and it took her two weeks to talk to me again.

   Lauber1 is correct, give and take is what makes a marriage work, you give and she takes :D  good luck and remember the smartest thing man ever said ---------Yes dear ------------------


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#5 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  



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Posted December 26, 2014 - 10:56 PM

Well the shop is warmer now. Think I'll blow up my air mattress, bed room door is locked and I was told to go away. Good thing I have a stock of wood in here.

I do agree about the "things" part. I grew up an only child. My dad didn't have a great job when I was young. We had a very tough time making it. We were poof. I never knew it. I was happy and had a great childhood. He didn't move up in his company till I was in my early teens. By then they decided it was too late for another. I do wish now I had a sibling sometimes but I respect my parents decision.

We have two wonderful kids. I love them to death and would love a third or 5th just as much but I want us to be able to provide everything they need and be comfortable.

Right now I have a great job. Make good money. But I am in the coal industry and we'll that's not the hottest going market right now. I have no college degree and no clue what I would do if I lost my job.

Edited by toomanytoys84, December 26, 2014 - 11:02 PM.

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#6 hamman OFFLINE  


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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:13 PM

Ya this is a tough one right now. After things cool down in a while I think a calm and cool discussion between you and the the wife is in order. Sounds like she hasn't fulfilled her dream of a family yet. Sometimes women look at a family differently than we men do. Give and take is a big thing in making a marriage work.  I wish you the best of luck.                                                                                                                                                                                                     Roger.

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#7 propane1 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:31 PM

Do you burn coal in your wood stove? I do. Sorry about your trouble. I really am no help to you. I have two wonderful kids. I am not sure why we did not have a third, but that was twenty years ago. Again, sorry for your trouble. Noel
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#8 zippy1 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:42 PM

Wow.... sounds like a woman thing, and being a dude you'll never figure it out so there really isn't no need to get yourself down for not understanding.

Being you asked. If it were me being in that situation I would stick to my guns, on keeping with the two and providing for them as well as you can and be financially happy. You mention you have a good job, but in todays world that can change in a heart beat. God willing it won't, but who knows.

Prolly not much help, but I'll stop there before I go overboard and stick my big foot in my mouth  :D  Wish you luck.

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#9 Bill 76 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:47 PM

Well lets see here,

The wife not talking

The work shop is warm


At present I don't see a down side to this.

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#10 MH81 OFFLINE  


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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:51 PM

Done the couch thing.
I too was an only child. Not by choice, but by Circumstance.
My two older ones were all I ever planned on, wife wanted 4 or 5... We met in the middle by accident.
You would do well to listen. Promise her you will hear her out and really think it over if she will hear your side a week later.
Brace yourself for something like "I just feel like we are meant to have another". "I want to feel one more first kick". Practice hearing stuff like that without expression. Expect she will not want to understand logic and reason when she feels it in her soul she was meant to do this...
It seems Many ladies feel that having one more later completes them. Remember, we are wired different. It was in part why you fell in love. You haven't had this conversation before because you both assumed the other wants the same thing....

I won't have some of the trinkets later, my kids will have to find their way on their own a little more, and there is not one day that goes by that I'm not thankful for all three. The blessings of a child will save us all from ourselves.
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#11 larrybl ONLINE  


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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:51 PM

I would have agreed to all the Wife wants, sneaked out and got a vasectomy and claimed impotency. Win-Win.

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#12 Littledeere OFFLINE  



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Posted December 26, 2014 - 11:55 PM

Sounds like you need to have a set down and talk after she calms down. Don't know how old you guys are I think that plays apart in things like this. But everybody needs to be on the same page so you have to know what's on the others mind.


                                       Just my 2 cents   

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#13 Gtractor OFFLINE  


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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:07 AM

I can't offer any help.  Never had a wife, never had a kid. 

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#14 larrybl ONLINE  


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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:08 AM

Sorry for the previous, I have 2 kids and I too feel that is enough as they will have husbands, wives, and  kids, and now you have Grand kids and SNL's and DNL's. I wish I could get my kids to move out (29 and 31 years old respectively) and still living here. Let things cool down, Holidays always seem to amplify issues.

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#15 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  



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Posted December 27, 2014 - 12:25 AM

Ill be 31 and she is 25. We will talk about again when she calms down. Honestly she has never been this mad at me before. We have argued but never had her lock my out of the bedroom.

I know we are wired different. I hate to say it, it took me awhile to bond with the boy. I loved him the moment I seen him. But it took me awhile to actually bond with him. It was weird, I was never super excited the whole pregnancy. She was jumping up and down so happy when the test was positive. Me and little girl are really close and even now I worry about spending equal amounts of time with both of them.

She said she feels she is too young not to have another. But that is a poor reason in my mind. Am I too young not to be killing a 30 pack of beer a night? Am I too young to not go swimming with a concrete block tied to my leg?

the deal was as soon as the boy was born I was going tomget a vasectomy. I told her when we brought him home I was going to make an appointment with my doctor about it and she got mad.

and yes the shop is a nice 74 degrees. Air mattress is comfortable and watching some stuff on netflix.

Im going to call dr phil!

Thank you guys for the positive messages.

Edited by toomanytoys84, December 27, 2014 - 12:27 AM.

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