Jump to content

Nominations for Tractor of the Month
Garden Tractors and Parts on eBay



Photo
- - - - -

Why Men Are Happier People


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
11 replies to this topic

#1 GlenPettit OFFLINE  

GlenPettit
  • Senior Member
  • Member No: 34353
  • 520 Thanks
  • 143 posts
  • Location: MI (South of Lansing)

Posted November 30, 2014 - 01:41 PM


 What do you expect from such simple creatures?
 
Your last name stays put. 
 
The garage is all yours. 
 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
 
Chocolate is just another snack. 
 
You can be President. You can never be pregnant. 
 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
 
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
 
The world is your urinal. 
 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
 
Same work, more pay. 
 
Wrinkles add character. 
 
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. 
 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 
 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
 
One mood all the time.
 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
 
You know stuff about tanks. 
 
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
 
You can open all your own jars. 
 
 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
 
 
If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. 
 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.. 
 
You almost never have strap problems in public. 
 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.. 
 
Everything on your face stays its original color.. 
 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
 
You only have to shave your face and neck. 
 
You can play with toys all your life. 
 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. 
 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look..
 
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. 
 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES

 If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
 If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


EATING OUT

 When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
 When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

 A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
 A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

 A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
 The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

 A woman has the last word in any argument.
 Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
 A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE

 A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
 A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

 A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
 A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

 Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
 Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



OFFSPRING

 Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
 A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY



A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... And to the men who will enjoy reading it..

  • Gtractor, Mr Electrak, hamman and 21 others have said thanks

#2 petrj6 ONLINE  

petrj6
  • Senior Member
  • -GTt Supporter-
  • Contributor
  • Member No: 53717
  • 3,808 Thanks
  • 2,219 posts
  • Location: petersbrgh ny

Posted November 30, 2014 - 04:15 PM

   My wife laughed harder at this than I did, Ironic because we just argued about the last word earlier in the day.  As with all wives she has to have the last!!!!!


  • GlenPettit said thank you

#3 CRFarnsworth OFFLINE  

CRFarnsworth

    Member

  • Senior Member
  • Contributor
  • Member No: 6275
  • 3,642 Thanks
  • 1,734 posts
  • Location: Rossville Illinois

Posted November 30, 2014 - 04:37 PM

AMEN



#4 Traill95 ONLINE  

Traill95

    Traill95

  • Senior Member
  • -GTt Supporter-
  • Member No: 8763
  • 1,566 Thanks
  • 915 posts
  • Location: Rossville IL.

Posted November 30, 2014 - 07:39 PM

:bigrofl:  :bigrofl:



#5 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  

toomanytoys84

    Aaron

  • Senior Member
  • Member No: 45129
  • 8,243 Thanks
  • 5,077 posts
  • Location: Ohio

Posted November 30, 2014 - 07:52 PM

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Sometimes I do......
  • GlenPettit said thank you

#6 grnspot110 OFFLINE  

grnspot110

    Tractorholic

  • Senior Member
  • -GTt Supporter-
  • Member No: 829
  • 3,292 Thanks
  • 2,395 posts
  • Location: North Central MO

Posted November 30, 2014 - 10:19 PM

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Sometimes I do......

We won't go into that!   :bigrofl:  :bigrofl:  :bigrofl:


  • toomanytoys84 said thank you

#7 superaben OFFLINE  

superaben
  • Senior Member
  • Contributor
  • Member No: 11204
  • 7,664 Thanks
  • 5,677 posts
  • Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA

Posted November 30, 2014 - 10:58 PM

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Sometimes I do......

 

Righty tighty, lefty loosy!

 

Or do like all the rest of us do (but don't admit): whack on the wrench with a big hammer until we realize that quite possibly the reason the bolt has not unscrewed is that we were whacking it the wrong way. 

 

Ben W.


  • GlenPettit, toomanytoys84 and richwoodrocket have said thanks

#8 richwoodrocket ONLINE  

richwoodrocket

    16 year old JD lover

  • Senior Member
  • Contributor
  • Member No: 57205
  • 147 Thanks
  • 177 posts
  • Location: Hamburg, NY

Posted December 01, 2014 - 06:31 AM

Lol some good ones there.


Sent from my potato using Tapatalk

#9 Sparky OFFLINE  

Sparky

    Tractorholic

  • Senior Member
  • Member No: 1574
  • 1,295 Thanks
  • 1,892 posts
  • Location: Pa

Posted December 01, 2014 - 09:27 PM

One missing from the list .



A lot of ladies see the benefit of a content man . We have many here .






Amen . Again and again . Amen .

Ok . One more for the list .



We remember how our ladies made us smile .

One more by popular request '

Men aren't necessarily happier all the time . It just beats the alternative and comes in handy .

Was anything mentioned about good handshakes and twinkles in the eyes ? Maybe I should read the list again .
  • oldedeeres said thank you

#10 LilysDad ONLINE  

LilysDad

    Cat Lover

  • Senior Member
  • -GTt Supporter-
  • Contributor
  • Member No: 10443
  • 9,624 Thanks
  • 7,665 posts
  • Location: N. Illinois, DeKalb County

Posted December 13, 2014 - 09:31 AM

And another : If you leave the lid up on a toilet. A woman will fall in it.
I don 't know how they back in the bathroom and sit down with out looking. But it 's a man 's fault!
  • grnspot110 said thank you

#11 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  

toomanytoys84

    Aaron

  • Senior Member
  • Member No: 45129
  • 8,243 Thanks
  • 5,077 posts
  • Location: Ohio

Posted December 13, 2014 - 01:47 PM

And another : If you leave the lid up on a toilet. A woman will fall in it.
I don 't know how they back in the bathroom and sit down with out looking. But it 's a man 's fault!


Haha. I never understood. I need it up you need it down. Why is it ok for me to pick it up and put it down and for you to do nothing
  • grnspot110 said thank you

#12 Sparky OFFLINE  

Sparky

    Tractorholic

  • Senior Member
  • Member No: 1574
  • 1,295 Thanks
  • 1,892 posts
  • Location: Pa

Posted December 13, 2014 - 02:16 PM

We know how to say HOKEY POKEY with a straight face .

A man cave used to be called a den .

My father used to call his short wife a biddy hen ( in jest ) . I am more respectful.

This time of year the bells really jingle in the house , Makes them feel like men .


I was taught English too .




Top