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Dysfunctional Family


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#1 Gtractor ONLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 04:53 PM

Anyone else have any? 

Opened the mailbox this afternoon and got a slug of Christmas cards from family and friends.  I believe some of them like to wait until the last minute even more than I do.  Ours were all sent two weeks ago.

OK I lied - week and a half, but none were going more than a two hours drive away.  

A couple of realitives [one from each side] send a long letter every year about what is going on within their branch of the ugly tree. 

I open this one, particularly thick card first, hoping to reunite with my LONG lost buddy Ben Franklin.

No such luck! 

I find one of these letters instead.  :toilethead:

 

THE FIRST paragraph is all about this couple, an uncle and his wife, getting their first colonoscopy in 2013. 

 

Let that sink in a while.

 

Now I can cartainly appreciate humor,  and see most things in life as funny,  but this is a Christmas card. 

 

Anyone else get [or give] those "update" letters with their Christmas cards?


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#2 MH81 ONLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 05:31 PM

Yes, we used to get one from a cousin. These letters were all the "Best Of" things from their life, and while I was happy for them... It read like a three page "why we are better than you" card. Continued business success beyond belief, 4.5 GPA's from their Middle school kids, got a mansion for a song, etc...

I always wanted to run the BS flag up the pole, as no ones life is that perfect and (and I say this with love) the parents/my cousin and her hubby aren't smart enough to come in out of the rain.

Every year, my wife would be saddened by this letter of near condemnation from my "Damn stuck up cousin and her perfect flipping family"
Eventually, when word of the letter's omissions (reality) finally leaked out, everything from supposed improprieties to near financial ruin and they stopped sending the letters. My wife wasn't happy for their misfortune, but she was really happy that they quit sending the letters.
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#3 framesteer OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 05:36 PM

On WGN720 radio in Chicago, the on-air team "Kathy and Judy" used to have an annual feature called "Merry Medical Christmas".  They invited listeners to send in those Christmas letters with the medical details - the more gross and disgusting the better.  You would not believe how detailed and intimate those letters get.  Many, they could hardly read, as they were nearly bursting with laughter - Uncle Elmer's puss-filled bed sores, little Johnny's compound arm fracture, Aunt Emma's ulcerated foot fungus.  To think they would put this stuff in writing was bad enough, but to make it the feature of their Christmas letter was beyond funny.


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#4 toomanytoys84 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 05:56 PM

My ex in laws didn't just send a letter they all showed up to ruin a week of my life with their stories of terrible tragedies and oh you work at the coal mine think you can loan us a few bucks?

A few ruined holidays from that. I can actually mostly enjoy the holidays now. Honest to God first 2 Christmas away from them I ended up in the hospital with panic attacks.


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#5 jms180 OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 06:29 PM

I think everyone has some family that should never send cards.


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#6 IamSherwood OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 06:42 PM

There was one laying around here on the table the other day.

I glanced at it to see who it was from, and then lit the fire with

it.

I guess I should thank them for the letter, next time I see them.

Had it been an email, it would have just been deleted, and been

of no value.

 

edit

 

I should add that, the past years letters where nothing more

than fairy tails.


Edited by IamSherwood, December 23, 2013 - 06:51 PM.

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#7 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 07:08 PM

I think everyone has some family that should never send cards.

Or let out the cage at the zoo... My ole man has 16 brothers and sisters.. More then enough jam tarts in our family to cover everyone on this forum.. I gotta love em all.. cause they all bring comedy to my life one way or the others.. I mostly get letters of.. Our favo cow was ill.. here are some pictures of her giving birth just before we took her to the vet.. I Just laugh.. what else can ya do.. at least these cards prove your (ourselves)are not the worst in the room.. It's life.. If everyone was perfect we would have a boring world.


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#8 Kurtee OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 07:39 PM

Yep, Ya gotta luv Christmas brag sheets. They don't talk about the DWI or any other infractions that
they have gathered during the year.

Oh yea, 2013 has been such a great year. In January Pa's hernia surgery was a success. Junior learned to use the big potty, such a smart boy and only 12. Oh and Sissy's wedding in August was a riot, (really). Now we are expecting our first grandchild next month. And me I had a terrible time in traffic court
last month. (The light was yellow, darn it.)

You have a grand new year. The Perfectos
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#9 Cat385B ONLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 08:09 PM

I sent one out the first year I was married that announced my wife was expecting. Included was a picture of her tanked with a cig in one hand and a drink in the other. My dad thought it was hilarious.

 

The rest of the family? Not so much...........


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#10 IamSherwood OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 08:57 PM

I sent one out the first year I was married that announced my wife was expecting. Included was a picture of her tanked with a cig in one hand and a drink in the other. My dad thought it was hilarious.

 

The rest of the family? Not so much...........

:bigrofl:  :bigrofl:


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#11 HANKG ONLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 09:04 PM

Ya know you guys should do stand up, some of these have got me pissin my pants and whats really funny is im sure there true


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#12 daytime dave OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 09:29 PM

I have an aunt that continually sends "that letter" in her card.  If she gets your email address, it's a nonstop flood of family happenings of the most boring nature.  

 

I moved over twenty years ago and forgot to give her my address.  After forbidding my mother to give it out, I find out all I want from my mother and much more.  

 

As I sit here, I am looking at seven Christmas cards hanging where I put them.  All of them I am glad to receive......................................................... and there were no letters in any of them.  


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#13 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 09:36 PM

On the subject of cards.... Do you guys toss them the day after? Or is there a rule to time allotment.. or keep forever??  I prefer a two minute phone call.. heck.. call collect i dont care.. just means so much more to me.. 


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#14 daytime dave OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 09:42 PM

I S-can the cards the day after.  I don't like the concept of cards.  I prefer to say it in person.  If that doesn't work, I use a card.  


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#15 Team_Green OFFLINE  

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Posted December 23, 2013 - 09:57 PM

Ya know you guys should do stand up, some of these have got me pissin my pants and whats really funny is im sure there true

 

 

I sent one out the first year I was married that announced my wife was expecting. Included was a picture of her tanked with a cig in one hand and a drink in the other. My dad thought it was hilarious.

 

The rest of the family? Not so much...........

You can't make that stuff up.. 


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