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Mini-Biographies By Uncle Willie


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#1 UncleWillie OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 12:54 PM

I have had this rattling through my empty head for a while. If anyone gets offended you are welcome to it. This is all in good fun.

 

Beware you may be next.

 

Yes I am bored. I want to go outside and work but Steph has me strapped to a chair till I heal up completely.

 

 

KennyP

 

 

Kenny is a 400 year old man who lives in the fictional state of Oklahoma. It has to be fictional because I have never been there.

 

Kenny is a greedy old man. He hoards all the good tractors. Right now he is sitting on not one, but two FF tractors. Since Oklahoma is a fictional place I cannot find them to steal one.

 

Kenny is also the feudal lord of his domain. This is evidenced by all the commoners bring him sacrifices and offerings of tractors and tractor parts and tires. They bring them out of fear of the next paragraph...

 

He is also a warlock. He manages to conjure up old Jacobson's from fence rows and then summons missing parts to his beck and call. He moved from one dominion to another realm and still has the powers of summonry. ( Yes, I made up a word)

 

For all his evil he seems to be a fairly nice guy. Even though he wakes up before any sane person should every morning. He has a talent for taking an ugly tractor and making it into an ugly desirable tractor. (Lets be honest the charms of a FF or corresponding years GT/GTV are in their bug-eyed ugliness). And he has a penchant for breathing new life into old trailers.

 

He is quick to offer help, or point someone to the right place or person.

 

Even though he has a Ford he is a ok guy. I guess.

 

 

All in all of all the GTT members, if there was one I could meet, it would be KennyP.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mostly to find his stash of FF tractors and steal one.


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#2 UncleWillie OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 01:09 PM

OldCowHand

 

 

Other than smelling like cow poop I have nothing too bad to say about Daniel.

 

Although all he ever does is work. Sometimes he even works while he is working.

 

He does love to the large ladies – heifers that is.

 

Somehow ,he manages to milk cows, feed silage, wrestle cattle, locate mystery cows, repair fences, drive a tractor, muck the stalls, build a wall, re-power a Hog, play with the grand children, tend to his family, ride a motorcycle, install a door handle on a Jeep, fix the silage chopper, and post a bijillion times on GTT all at once. I suspect he may have clones of himself.

 

Somewhere on his property there is a large barn full of Daniel clones. No that is a scarey thought.

 

Either that or he has a fleet of diesel powered mind control ed robots. That is even scarier.

 

Somehow his lovely wife manages to keep him in line. We are not sure how. Probably with a cattle prod and a bull whip. No word on how much he enjoys that.

 

 

He lives in the backwoods of Kentucky – all of Ky is backwoods. I have been there. Even the large cities are backwoods. That is just the way it is. ( I have a sister who lives there too so I am an expert. Trust me – I told you too) His house was carved from the bones of a large cow that died a thousand years ago when he was a kid. He gnawed the bones down to size with his baby teeth and built a house with them while milking three cows.

 

His favorite past time is playing with cow poop. He bottles it up and saves it. Just ask him.

 

As a non licensed bovine obstetrician he is not hesitant to reach into a cow up to his waist to retrieve a little one. He does wash off the cow poop first. When he is finished with OBGYN duties, however, he promptly adds a new coat.

 

Yep, Daniel, is a great guy. Just make sure you wear nose plugs to meet him.


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#3 olcowhand OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 01:23 PM

Willie, you're scaring me with your insight to my real world!  But on the question of the bull whip & shock prod........I'll never tell!!  :rolling:

 

Who's next?   :D     Oh, and BTW....Kenny is only 362 years old!  :smilewink:  (just ground corn with the Massey 362, so pulled the number from it)


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#4 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 01:47 PM

Boy, you are bored, Willie! Good reading, though! Thanks for describing me so well, but Daniel is closer on the age thing!


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#5 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 01:59 PM

:bigrofl:  :bigrofl:  :bigrofl: :bigrofl:  


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#6 UncleWillie OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 02:18 PM

Old Buzzard

 

 

 

Contrary to popular belief old Buzard is not old. He, however, is really a buzzard.

 

His profile states that he lives in some place called OH. Research has lead me to believe that this a an alien base of operations.

 

Although he wants us to believe he has a home, he is really homeless and moves from one Wal-mart parking lot to another. He does this an a magical motor home (which may or may not have space travel capabilities) that has a “scooby doo doghouse” like storage compartment. It looks small on the outside but is cavernous on the inside and holds a horde of priceless Bolen's artifacts.

 

Some of these artifacts are unknown to even the Bolen's Manufacturing Company and are believed to have been brought to earth by aliens.

 

He is accompanied on his travels by his wife (who is not allowed in the motor home, but rides on a chair attached to the door frame).

 

His hobo lifestyle is not without its perks however. His travels to arid lands have eliminated decades long droughts. It is not known whether these monsoons are caused by the Buzzard or his chair riding wife or a combination of both. However, the prevailing theory is that they received some alien weather controlling device as a Bolen's attachment. The fact that it came without an owners manual and he has no idea how to turn it off has not stopped him from using it.

 

Buzzard is kind to small children and animals.

 

Usually.


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#7 HowardsMF155 OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 03:58 PM

LMAO!!  Willie, I'm sorry you are so bored, but I love what you've done!


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#8 olcowhand OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 04:00 PM

Me thinks Willie is still on those pain killers the doc prescribed for him!  :bigrofl:  But keep em comin Willie!


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#9 UncleWillie OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 04:59 PM

You should all be afraid of what treasures I am finding by reading old posts


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#10 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 05:17 PM

You should all be afraid of what treasures I am finding by reading old posts

I ain't afraid of anything I have posted here, Willie! Ya'll are 'family'!


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#11 olcowhand OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 06:01 PM

You should all be afraid of what treasures I am finding by reading old posts

 

 

I ain't afraid of anything I have posted here, Willie! Ya'll are 'family'!

 

Yeah, Kenny has lived 362 years.  If he can survive all that time, he's not afraid of anything!


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#12 OldBuzzard ONLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 07:04 PM

SHAME on you Willie!  Now you have my wife in tears...........of laughter that is. :rolling:

 

I must ask.  I know that I'm #3 on your "Hate List", and now I'm #3 in the biographies.

 

Is there any significance to this?  Could it be that you are starting at the top of your hate list and working down?

 

Is there something that you haven't told Kenny and OCH?

 

Inquiring minds want to know.


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#13 MH81 OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 07:06 PM

My family is wondering why I am laughing out loud. I started to explain, but there were a lot of blank stares from my wife, my daughter, and her friend... Ryan kinda followed along for a minute until I just drifted off. :D
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#14 superaben OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 07:11 PM

:rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

 

I think I blew a seal somewhere by laughing. 

 

My advice tonight is that boredom is a dangerous thing.  I'm collecting signatures to petition Steph to untie you.  Anybody else volunteering to join me?

 

Ben W.


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#15 pigsitter OFFLINE  

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Posted November 04, 2013 - 07:32 PM

Now that's some funny stuff!!


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