From what I have seen and the comments that my kids have made (especially CJ) they have a pretty good grasp on what is going on. I just hope and pray that I am strong enough to be there for them in the coming months and years. CJ is already having nightmares and talking about his mother in his sleep so I am worried about him. Callie is quiet by nature and usually just rolls with the punches and she hasnt said a whole lot but she is not real comfortable with spending time with her mother so that tells me that she is really concerned and scared. Callie is one of the most tender hearted individuals that I know. She looks after me and is always there to comfort me. She and I started something a long time ago that we call "Boo Boo Loves". "Boo Boo" is one of her nicknames and she KNOWS that getting loving from her "makes Daddy feel better" I have no doubt that she and I are going to be inseparable in the future (even more so than we already are) It is like I have told many people through out this whole ordeal, I WILL survive this but my kids are my biggest concern. I am no stranger to losing people that are close to me. I had my best friend and room mate get killed in a head on collision with a tractor trailer. A friend of mine passed the wreck while they were trying to cut him out of the Toyota pickup that he was driving and called me and told me about it. I drove the 20 or so miles to the accident site and when i got there, they were still trying to get him out of the truck. I was the one that had to tell his Mother and Sister what had happened. I lost my mother last year and she lived with us at the time. She was very close to my son and he still has a hard time with her death a year later. So, I will concentrate all of my energy on getting them through this and I have an AWESOME support system to help me each step of the way.
On a different note, I moved my recliner in the bedroom last night so that I could be close to Kimme and be able to actually be comfortable (somewhat anyway) Anyway, this afternoon, I got my laptop and was playing music videos to songs that have a lot of meaning and memories to the both of us. As hard as it was to sit and listen to them, I relived a lot of GOOD memories of the times that we have spent together. I played one of the very first songs that we called "our song" a few minutes ago and saw a tear come out of her eyes so I know that she was listening and reliving the same memories that I was. Although I know that she probably will never communicate with me again, she still occasionally smiles when she hears someones voice or she will turn in there direction so I know that she can still hear me and I make it a point of talking to her and telling her just how much I love her and make sure that she knows that I am still right by her side.