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Morning Humor.....


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#1 Farmlife OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 06:11 AM

Good morning Tractor people......hope everyone is ready for a nice weekend after a long work week,  I know I am.  I have a few things I'm eager to get done on the Sears project so here's to everyone enjoying there weekend, doing it safely, and gettin on those projects!! :beerchug:

morn.jpg morn1.jpg morn2.jpg

 

Here is a list that I feel should be framed in every house, (my fiance even thought it was funny)....

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

 

 


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#2 mjodrey OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 06:19 AM

Those are great. :thumbs:



#3 KennyP ONLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 06:53 AM

Thanks! I needed that!


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#4 Michiganmobileman OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 06:58 AM

Thanks, those were all pretty good :thumbs: .  I especially liked the color chart, I may try to print that off to use in my defense.  I have said for years that some of those weirdly named colors DO NOT actually exist, they are only a concept.  Course being color blind, predominantly red/green, I have trouble with anything past black and white, and have had to defend myself all my life.


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#5 boyscout862 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 09:01 AM

Thanks they were all good and had alot of truth to them.

 

I especially like the color chart because I am red-green color blind. I cannot reliably tell red from green from gray from brown. I turns out about 30% of males have this to some extent. In my case it has an advantage because I have great night vision. This paid off big time on night patrols in the Army 40 years ago.


Edited by boyscout862, January 26, 2013 - 09:02 AM.

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#6 jpackard56 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 10:21 AM

The snow shovel made me bust up laughing, even my wife got a good kick out of that one :thumbs:



#7 HDWildBill OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 10:21 AM

Thanks they were all good and had alot of truth to them.

 

I especially like the color chart because I am red-green color blind. I cannot reliably tell red from green from gray from brown. I turns out about 30% of males have this to some extent. In my case it has an advantage because I have great night vision. This paid off big time on night patrols in the Army 40 years ago.

 

Hmm!  Red is hot wire and green is ground =  :firejumper:  :oh_shucks:  :poke:  :bigrofl:


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#8 boyscout862 OFFLINE  

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Posted January 26, 2013 - 10:32 AM

Bill, Its what kept me out of the Navy. I cant do color coded wiring diagrams. Nor tell the color of signal lights.






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