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#1 UncleWillie OFFLINE  


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Posted August 03, 2012 - 09:52 PM


World famous "Chi Chi" (1989 Ford Tempo) for sale - $400 (Greer, SC)

Up for sale is my trusty old friend, a 1989 Ford Tempo. As much as I hate it, it's time to let Chi Chi go.

Wait..."Chi Chi"? WTF? Let me explain.

My neighbor's wife is nuts. I mean, we love her...but she's crazy. She worships Buddha. She DVR's every episode of Glee. She eats nothing but couscous. And shortly after I bought this little jalopy, she dubbed him "Chi Chi", because these Tempo's were manufactured in Mexico. Or so she says. Who knows.

The Good

I've replaced the tires, alternator, water pump, brakes, fluids and filters, headlights, and a few bulbs. So you're good to go on those.

This car will get you wherever you need to go. Each and every time. It starts every day, doesn't stall, and gets the job done. The clutch is about three years old, and works great. So if you need a cheap car to get back and forth to work, then you've found it. The heater works, and the engine doesn't overheat. The brakes have had recent attention, and I even replaced the lugnuts. (The old ones were stripped like a blonde at Platinum Plus.)

One thing you won't have to worry about is the tires. Remember my crazy neighbor? The one who dubbed this car Chi Chi? Well, her husband has the MAD hookup for name-brand tires. These are about a year old, and have less than 8,000 miles on them. So you're set there. The headlights, taillights, and turn signals all do their job. I even bought new headlamp assemblies, so when you pass that $70,000 BMW at night, you can wave and say, "Ha ha, motherf---er. I paid $400 for this. Don't be hatin' on Chi Chi."

The Bad

Let's be honest. If you're in the market for this car, you are a very confident individual. Like I am. You don't need flash. Or bling. Chances are, you don't have to compensate for anything. You just need some dependable wheels. And that's what you'll be getting.

Chi Chi runs like a charm. It's a little loud, because the original muffler fell off in parking lot B at the Atlanta airport about a year ago. I had just landed after a long work trip, and it was about 1:30am. So I threw the Mexi-muffler in the trunk and drove home. During that two hour ride back to Greentucky, I grew fond of the throaty rumble. But if you have an exhaust shop in your rolodex, you may want to call them up. That's your call. I kind of like the exhaust tone, myself. It says to everyone, "Ha ha, motherf---er. I paid $400 for this. Don't be hatin' on Chi Chi." (Notice the theme? Chi Chi is f---ing bad ass. And if you buy it, you will be too.)

Here are some Frequenty Asked Questions about this gem of an automobile.

- Does it get good gas mileage?

Hell yeah, it does! Around town, it gets right around 26 MPG. On long drives, it gets closer to 36 MPG. I know this because on that trip to Atlanta when the muffler said "Adios," I used about 3/4 of a tank for the round trip. Chi Chi has a 12 gallon tank [I think]. You do the math.

- Will this car get me laid?

Definitely. Chi Chi is like catnip to the ladies. Roll down Main Street and watch the honies throw themselves at you. If you find yourself having a different experience, rev the engine several times. They'll kneel at your feet.

- How fast is Chi Chi?

Super fast. Blinding fast. 0 - 60 times so low that Road & Track wouldn't publish them, for fear of losing ad revenue from Ferrari. But when you step on the loud pedal, you'll know what I mean. As you blow past that old lady in her walker, you can proudly say, "Ha ha, motherf---er. I paid $400 for this. Don't be hatin' on Chi Chi." (There it is again. I told you.)

How many miles are on Chi Chi

138,000. And change.

Holy poo - Is that a working sunroof?!?

You bet your ass it is!

- Do you have more than one for sale? My brother in law wants one, too.

Unfortunately, Chi Chi is one of a kind. It's unique. So this one is all there is. And when you roll up on your class reunion, you can proudly state, "Ha ha, motherf---ers. I paid $400 for this. Don't be hatin' on Chi Chi."

So that's it. My no-hassle price is - you guessed it - $400. Not one penny less. If you want to offer less, please waste someone else's time.)

And for the love of God...please don't show up expecting me to reduce my price. If you're the type to show up and ask, "What's yer bottom dollar?" just on principle, please don't waste my time. Chi Chi may not win any car shows, but it's gotten me back and forth to work every day for two and a half years. If you can find a better, more reliable car for $400, I don't need to hear about it. I really don't care if your brother's buddy's girlfriend's cousin's sister-in-law knows this guy who hangs out with a dude that has an '09 Tahoe for $399. I'm not interested. If you want THIS car, bring $400. OK?

You can reach me at Eight 6 four 9 zero 8 five 8 one 0. If you call before 8am or after 9pm, I will likely use Chi Chi to find you and have a not-so-nice discussion about your telephone manners, but you're welcome to text me if you'd like.

Thanks for reading. Buenos Noches.

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Posted August 03, 2012 - 09:57 PM

Wow, I want to call him right now and ask if he'll take $350.

Very detailed description with not a hint of embellishment. :)

#3 daytime dave OFFLINE  

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Posted August 03, 2012 - 10:08 PM

That sure is some ad. I hope no one low balls him. Chi Chi might have a mexican switchblade in the glove box. Could be a nasty outcome.

#4 caseguy OFFLINE  


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Posted August 03, 2012 - 10:21 PM

That's one heck of a sales pitch for a $400 car! I've gotta say that I have driven a lot worse than Chi-Chi!

#5 ncb OFFLINE  

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Posted August 03, 2012 - 10:29 PM

Bang on use of the english language ,puncuation perfect,actually im quite impressed when you consider the usual nearly incomprehensible ads found most days.
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#6 JDGuy445 OFFLINE  

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Posted August 03, 2012 - 10:50 PM

Will you take $399.99?
"NO! $400 only"
Well, my brother's buddy's girlfriend's cousin's sister-in-law has a pickup for $399.99 and I may just get that instead" lmao

Should ask if he'll take $400.01.

#7 mjodrey OFFLINE  



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Posted August 04, 2012 - 05:38 AM

LOL, That is quite the ad.

#8 middleageddeere OFFLINE  



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Posted August 04, 2012 - 06:07 AM

That is officially the best ad for a POS that I have EVER seen. I want to go buy it just for the BA ad.

#9 pharmer ONLINE  



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Posted August 04, 2012 - 08:03 AM

The only thing he doesn't mention is that if you open the trunk, 10 illegals will pop out.
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#10 John@Reliable OFFLINE  


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Posted August 05, 2012 - 10:14 PM

Now that's an ad, very clever use of words!

#11 Toolpartzman OFFLINE  


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Posted August 06, 2012 - 05:49 AM

Its good that he loves Chi Chi because she will be with him a long time

#12 WNYTractorTinkerer ONLINE  


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Posted August 06, 2012 - 05:56 AM

Now that's an ad, very clever use of words!

Amen John!! That dude knows how to pitch a car with an unusual story attached along with it.. I can picture him drivng the thing past the ol' lady w/ her walker & laughing @ the mental picture! :p
Thanks for staying up all night and finding that ad MBWW!

Edited by WNYTractorTinkerer, August 06, 2012 - 05:57 AM.

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#13 GTTinkerer OFFLINE  


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Posted August 06, 2012 - 07:09 AM

Got there after the ad was flagged so no photos. He spent some time writing that ad though.

I bypass every CL and eBay ad that has sideways photos, really rattles my chain.


#14 LilysDad ONLINE  


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Posted August 06, 2012 - 07:58 AM

I love it! It should have been incorporated into a book length novel. And I wish the crazy neighbor was a member here.

#15 jimbobbillyray ONLINE  

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Posted August 11, 2012 - 07:01 PM

:mecry: Dangit, I think it is already sold!!!!